breaking up is hard to do....

I've got that song in my head "breaking up is hard to do" - I've no idea why except that I've been thinking about brokenness lately and life and letting go of things that I hold onto that perhaps aren't necessary or beneficial.

The song is true that breaking up is hard to do - especially when you're breaking up because you know you need to, rather than because you want to. Sometimes there can be relationships in our life that don't bring out the best in us. Sometimes its that they hold us back from taking a leap of faith, sometimes they are just too comfortable or familiar and we hold onto them like a security blanket or imaginary friend.

I've had some time lately to think about my life - about what makes it up. Am I living a life without regret or fear? Am I living a life that honors Jesus? Am I living a life worthy of the call he has placed on me?

What I've come to realise as I have pondered (and perhaps its more a case of being reminded again rather than learning it for the first time) is that for me a necessary quality of my life must be brokenness - without it I am full of pride, selfish ambition, isolation, stubbornness and all sorts of things that lead me away from the very life I long to live and towards a life that will be marred by regret & fear.

The downer about brokenness is that we have to allow ourselves to be broken...

There is pain in the breaking - in fact - it can suck - when we lose sight of why and who and what for...

I can feel a stirring inside, a longing for a life that's produced through the process of breaking.

So in order to life that life and follow that call and be that broken I need to break up....

with thoughts, actions, words and reactions...

and embrace the one who breaks me...

I've taken up the idea of theme songs lately (a little bit like Ally McBeal but without the dancing baby)

Today I've really found a song by Joel Houston of Hillsong United really helpful in helping me find words to express the cry of my heart....

"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out"

So I'm crying out in the midst of the chaos that is my life for God to break me - I want to be consumed by Him in every fibre of my being.

I finish with one of my life messages "simple but not easy" and that definitely goes for breaking up!