not hopeful but expectant

So one of the key messages in my life is the pursuit of Jesus - not just his nature but lifestyle too. As I read scripture, I remind myself that the same holy spirit that empowered Jesus empowers us. This morning as I was praying the Lord revealed to me that as I've been pursuing this lifestlye, I've been engaging with it more from a sense of hope, than of expectation. As I've prayed for people, more often than not, I've been hoping that God would heal them. This morning Father God challenged me to live out of a mindset of expectancy rather than hope.

I was listening to a teaching a while ago where the speaker asked the question about whether people in 3rd world countries who were seeing incredible miracles take place had more faith than western christians. He said he came to realise that it wasnt that they had more faith, they just had less doubt!

I want to be a doubtless follower of Christ....a disciple who is expecting...not high expectations...but expectation fullstop!

I believe in the transforming power of God. I don't want to hope for that anymore. I'm expecting it.

Frida - Chosen to die, Destined to live

So I read a book yesterday, yes the whole book, in one day. And before you ask, no it wasn't a picture book! It was a captivating story of Frida Gashumba, a survivor of the Rwandan Genocide...here's the blurb from the book.

"Frida witnessed her family being massacred by Hutu men with machetes and was then asked how she wanted to die. She could not afford a bullet, which they offered to sell her, so instead received what should have been a fatal blow to the head. She was put in a mass grave with her slaughtered family only to find herself still alive and conscious. She eventually climbed out of the pit covered in filth and blood. Frida will never forget her traumas but the healing God has brought is miraculous. Today this young woman has an important message for the world. This book tells the true, dramatic story of life amid the horro of the 1994 Rwandan genocide, but more importantly how Frida's life was utterly transformed by the power to forgive and love her enemies. Despite great adversity, the message is one of immense hope and personal deliverance."

In other words....an amazing story of grace and forgiveness and the determination to overcome.

It is a read that will disturb you as you read of the genocide that took place and the hundreds of 1000's of people killed for no other reason than they were born in a different tribe. It will also disturb as you think about forgiveness. Frida had much to forgive, things that I can never truly comprehend the depth of pain and suffering she experienced first hand. It is both incredibly inspiring and challenging to read her journey towards being able to not only forgive those who murdered her family and friends and tried to end her life, but the vision she began to have for her God given purpose amidst it all.

I heard the other day "Vision gives purpose to our Pain"..... pain is no longer there just for pain sake, but when we have a vision of God's plans & purposes for us, the pain has been given purpose. It is not that God sends the pain to teach us a lesson, but he will use pain in our lives to to teach us and train us.

I would encourage everyone to read this powerful book....but be prepared to be shocked both by the horrific events and the incredible transforming power of God to take that which was for death and destruction and brought life and hope.

who's watching?

Here in NZ at the moment there is a competition running where if you are snapped holding a specially marked water bottle by a mystery photographer you could win $10,000. A local girl has already been one of the receipents of this competition and with at leeast 4 weeks to go there has been great excitement about the possible windfall. I have one such bottle and being an avid water drinker I'm happy to contain my water in a specially marked bottle.

But it got me thinking about differently we might act if we know that someone might be wathing us. No doubt there are people who wouldnt normally carry around these bottles, but due to the possiblity of 'being snapped' they will gladly do so, untl the competition ends.

I have been guilty at times of acting differently if I think someone is watching me....the eagle-eyed teacher, pretending to be busy reading at her desk, the guy at school who everyone thought was cute, the sporting scout who turned up to watch a game....we look busy, smile sweeter or play harder when we think that someone is observing our actions.

I must confess Ive also been guilty in the past of being a better "christian" when I thought I was being watched by others. I know Im not the first or last person to sucumb to this. Bill Hybels even titled a book "who you are when no-one is watching". It's not who we are in public, or on the stage that defines who we are. Its who we are when noone is watching that reveals our true colours....no one that is except Jesus. Jesus is always watching, always wanting to engage with us, always calling us on.

I want to be the same on the stage, as in public as in the quiet places in my soul. I want to be like Jesus. I want to be honest with him and with myself at all times. I don't want to be motivated by the thought that he might be watching, but motivated out of my love and desire to give my all to him.

...and if someone else happens to be watching I hope that they see Jesus in me.

a time for grace

So right now I'm feelinlg pretty fragile. I just found out some news about some people very close to me and I feel absolutely helpless. I don't know what to say, what to do, how to make this better. I want to fix it and fix it now...but I can't. I can't make them change, nor can I demand that God do so. I know that they must come to that place of surrender themselves. But as someone who loves them, it is hard to stand by and do nothing. But I realised as I lay in bed blubbering about it, that I can do something...I can pray and keep on praying until I see God's grace transforming their situation and their hearts. I raced to my bible and looked up a bible reference that popped into my head. The moment I read the words in those verses I blubbered some more. It was like those verses were written just for me, and just for this situation at this time. If no one in all of history got anything out of those verses ever again that's ok, because for me at this moment they have given me hope, and peace and faith to believe that God's transforming grace is greater than any challenge I or those I love will ever face. I am reminded when I think about grace that "there but for the grace of God go I".

Please pray for my 2 loved ones.....God knows their names, and their situation and I would appreciate all the prayer support I can get at the moment.

drinking of God's grace, Shar xx

the sound of the ocean

One of the things I've missed most about now living in Hamilton is the fact that the beach is so far away. The nearest beach is Raglan (about 40 mins drive). I love water, ocean, lake or river. I have really missed the sound of the ocean and the sand beneath my feet. Some of my best days this summer has been spent either at the beach or at the river (mainly in New Plymouth). So with my last 3 days of holiday before the year kicks in again I felt the need to escape the city limits and head towards that wonderful sound of the waves. So I'm here at Waihi beach with my partner in crime Rebecca for a few days of unwinding.

Do you ever have those moments where you crave something? Sometimes for me it is chocolate, or coke, or the ocean. Sometimes I crave space from the world and want to be able to cocoon myself in God's presence....just me and him. Sometimes the sound of the world around me gets so loud that I just need to hear the gentle whisper of my saviour. It is a soothing balm for a weary soul...and at times I feel weary.

So I'm at beach, fulfilling my cravings...for the ocean, for chocolate and for Jesus.

gotta go, I can hear them calling me now

a $16,000 haircut

Well its been way too long since I last posted. So much has happened since October. The most recent of these things is that Make Change has come and gone.....and so has my hair.

We were having an offering for the youth work in Fiji and Tonga. I committed myself to having my head shaved if the offering got to $10,000. The offering was collected and while our team were counting it, Michael Collins began talking. While I couldn't hear all that he was saying, I could tell that he was talking about giving. I gave him the figure of the offering ($8,300) and he then told us that he thought we had the $1700 to bump it up to the $10,000 so we took up a second offering. The total of the offering came up to over $15,000 and so off came the hair. It's now up to over $16,500 with the foreign currency converted and banked.

I found the whole experience a roller coaster of emotion. It was incredibly emotional counting the offering and seeing Fijian currency amongst the money. The stories of young people's generosity towards the offering was challenging and it was pretty special being a part of getting that figure as high as it was.

It was a bit emotional getting my hair cut. I havent had short hair since I was a child, and people often thought I looked like a boy with short hair, so I was a little concerned about how it might look. I also remember a time when it seemed that the reoccuring comment I would hear is "wow you have such beautiful hair". It became a bit of an issue for me as I got hooked into the lie that the only thing about me that people liked was my hair. It took a while to work through that and the "make change" hair cut was terribly freeing as I laid that ghost to rest once and for all. For me it was a personal proclaimation about knowing who I am, and my worth as a person. No one else heard it or knew it, but for me....I heard the father's voice affirming me again as his daughter and that my value is not tied up in physical looks or even what other people think of me.

I want to continue to go after things that confirm and proclaim the truth and help others to go after that in their own lives. The enemy will always try and attack us in two areas...our identity and our destiny. The more we anchor ourselves in Christ the more we can stand firm amidst the storms of life that come our way.

I'll sign off for now and will endeavour to return again before my hair needs a cut!

I asked for a taste.....I got a 3 course meal

How do I say this succinctly? General Eva Burrows is one of my heroes, right up there with Jesus and Wonder Woman. I have admired her since she first came to my attention as General of the SA back in the day. On a number of occasions I have made plans to "happen to bump in to her", but every time something or someone spoiled my plan.

A number of weeks ago I was minding my own business when this random thought invaded my brain and said "I wonder who is speaking at ACC this year" so I followed that thought to the website and lo and behold "General Eva" was one of the highlighted speakers.

So very excitedly I rushed through an application to be able to attend the conference and before I knew it I was coming to aus. As much as I tried to find a friend to come with me, everyone had excuses....oh sorry I mean reasons!

I have been more and more excited as the days drew closer to finally getting to meet her and perhaps getting a picture with her.

On Tuesday at the end of the Officers day I waited in line to meet her, not a literal line, but there was a definate figurative line of ppl waiting.

My turn came and I said "Hi General Eva, I just wanted to come and introduce myself and meet you." When I said who I was she immediately recognised my name from some previous correspondence, grasped my hand in hers and said "lets have lunch tomorrow".

As you could perhaps imagine, I was pretty excited about this, and there was a flurry of texts going back and forth to NZ (I'm dreading the bill).

So condensing the story to a readers digest version. I had lunch on Wed, and spent the afternoon with her at her workshop, and then on Wed night she invited me to join her for lunch on Thursday to meet her friend Meg. We had a great time and I sat with her for the final night of ACC. I am going to 614 where we will "catch up" again.

I feel like I've been sitting at a banquet of wisdom, grace and holiness all week long. I was hoping she might remember my name and pose for a picture. I had prayed that God would give me an opportunity throughout the week to meet her.

God totally made that request look minute. He has blessed my socks off and I feel like I need to keep pinching myself.

General Eva is still my hero right next to Jesus and Wonder woman, but now I could perhaps dare to say she is my friend. She continues to inspire me, to encourage and challenge me, and those good thoughts I had about the kind of Godly woman she is, have been both confirmed and expanded.

Thank you Jesus for totally blessing me and spoiling me....keep it coming!

the power of the testimony

So getting back to manifest presence and what happened. On the last night Bill was talking about the power of the testimony of what God has done. Not only is there power in the written word of God (the bible) but also as we testify about what God has done. He gave examples of how someone was healed of a condition and as he shared with a congregation about what God had done, a person was healed listening to the testimony of how God had healed this other person. They have had 31 people be healed on bipolar and only 2 of those people have actually had people lay hands on them and pray. All of the rest of them were healed as they heard the testimony of God having healed someone else....mind blowing stuff.

So during the ministy time that night there was a word of knowledge given about a woman who was injured during childbirth and it was never healed. So during the testimony time a woman came up and shared about how she had been injured years ago giving birth and had not been able to sit on the floor and cross her legs. She then demonstrated God having healed her by sitting on the floor cross legged.

Pastor Bill then said "there is someone who God is healing you now of a childbirth injury as you have listened to this testimony. So check yourself out now."

So all the women who had childbirth injuries were checking themselves out and a lady stuck her hand up to say that God had healed her. It was awesome.

more to come.....

manifest presence 07

So I've just had 6 days holiday and chose to spend it at the manifest conference in Auckland. Bill Johnson and Ian Green were the 2 main speakers and it was awesome! The first night 74 people were healed and there were over 100 on the last night - everything from bipolar, deafness, short leg, cancer, sensitive teeth and so much more. One of the girls I was with had her cracked skull healed the first night we were there. The thing that impressed upon me the first night was how 'unflash' the whole thing was. Amanda's skull was healed after the people from her own church simply put their hands on her and prayed. It was simple, straightforward and without a whole lot of show.

There are just way too many 'healing' stories to list but lets just say that God blew my mind again and again and again!

It has made me more determined to seek after God at all cost. I want my christian faith to require faith on my part. I dont want to live a safe christianity but one that is going after the LIFE of Christ.

I will blog some more about this later....feeling a little tired right now, but wanted to begin the conversation while it was fresh in my spirit.

a resilient life

I've been reading a book over the last couple of days "A Resilient Life" by Gordon MacDonald. I've had to limit myself to reading only one chapter in bed, because its so good I'd be awake all night reading it and be shot for work the next day.

One of the reasons it has struck such a cord with me i think is because Gordon uses his career as a 'runner' as a framework for the book. Growing up I was a bit of a runner. I was senior athletics champion at both primary and secondary school and loved athletics and all things sporty. But unlike Gordon, I never applied myself beyond just turning up on the day and competing. I know I had potential but never applied myself to its possibility.

One of my dreams has always been to run the New York Marathon. I know I have the potential to do it.....but to date have never achieved it. Although in the last 6 months I've finally taken steps towards it by running the SBS 1/2 marathon in Christchurch over Queens birthday.

Since then, my training has slackened right off again....and reading this book helped me to realise something.

HI MY NAME IS SHAR AND I AM A QUITTER!

I have the quitters gene. I dont complete the things I start and I start things I never finish. I've known this about myself for some time now, but before reading this book I wondered if there was ever going to be something I could do to break the cycle.

As a kiwi I'm not prone to talking myself up....but there's a little part of me that thinks that God has destined me for great things.......and what stands in the way from me fulfilling that destiny is ME! I am my own worst enemy.

So I'm reading this book with a heart that is crying out to God..."Yes Please Lord".

Anyway that's a little confession from me....back to that reading.

Ruth Norrish

No sooner had I published my previous blog, I received the word that Ruth has passed away. I just want to take the time to honour this amazing lady. She trained as a single officer for a season before marrying Graham and having 8 children. She has been such a delight to know, always encouraging me, and keeping Graham in line (a great sense of humour). It has been such a pleasure knowing her and I know that Graham will in one sense, be lost without her. Yet they both had such faith and trust in God, she is home with Jesus.

God Bless you Ruth

6 weeks in 6 sentances...or similar

OK, its been way too long since my last blog. I did the 1/2 marathon and felt fantastic and overwhelmed all at the same time. I went to Wellington for a block course for my 2nd semester uni paper and that was a great time....fell in love with Borders bookstore, just as well we dont have one in Hamilton. My friend Karen got engaged, very cool. My friend Helen had a baby girl. One of the most exciting things is that my roommate from summer camp 95 found me via the internet....I've been searching for her for years with no success. So stoked that we have reconnected, so now I've found 3 of my camp buddies. Happy times. Its chilly here, but not as chilly as Dunedin.

At the moment I am wishing that I was in Dunedin thought. Graham & Ruth Norrish ( a wonderful couple from Dunedin) came to visit me a few weeks ago when they did the massive roadtrip up here for field days. We had a great day together and then had lunch together after church on the sunday. It was so nice to be able to see them again, they've always been so supportive and encouraging.....Well Ruth is in hospital and the last word I had yesterday was they hadn't expected her to make it through Sat night but she had. It's awful being here and not being able to support them and others as she makes her journey home. They are the most delightful couple, in their 80's, still so in love, and playful with each other. So all I can do from here is pray, and pray and pray some more, for Ruth & for Graham as he says goodbye for now, to his sweetheart.

So a tingle of sadness invades my days at the moment.

So for now, I'll sign off and try and be back again soon.

A 1/2 Marathon awaits...

So I've been debating over recent weeks as to whether to blog about my attempt to complete a 1/2 marathon. I resisted, because that would make it just a little too real...well this morning there is no turning back. In just under 3 hours times the starting gun will go, and I will be off like a tortise (as opposed to a rabbit!)

My training started out great and then along came a calf muscle strain that caused a hiccup or two to my plans. So today is not about RUNNING a 1/2, its about COMPLETEING a 1/2....and I'm ok with that, because you have to start somewhere aye.

Can I confess I am somewhat nervous....actually I'm very nervous. 21.1 km doesnt sound like much, but suddenly it seems as though its a never before attempted distance that noone will survive.

If I finish the race, I get a medal...that's good enough for me, but more than that, I'm one step closer to my ultimate goal of completing a full marathon (and to take that 1 step further, I'd love to complete the New York marathon).

So watch this space for a picture or two and my report on how things went. That's if I can pluck up the courage to leave the house!

I'M A SURVIVOR

BOOTCAMP IS OVER.......AND I AM ALIVE TO TELL THE TALE!

It was much harder than I imagined. But it was soooo worth it. Each session was pushing me to my limit and so many times I wanted to give up & go home. But the more I stuck at it, the more I started to see changes. The first day I could hardly run up the set of stairs once let alone 6 or 7 times. By the end of it I was able to run up hills and hold my own :)

The biggest battle for me has always been the battle of the mind. I think I've made huge progress in terms of being able to push through my mind saying "no more"!

But I know that its just the beginning. So as of Monday I begin the boxing bootcamp! We'll see how that one goes.

I've found that the process of pushing through my mental blocks has been really helpful in terms of pushing through those times when I struggle with temptations, issues and giving in to the easy instead of taking that road less travelled.

So my muscles, both physical and spiritual have been having a real workout over these last weeks and so lets just see where these next 5 weeks takes me.

2 down, 8 to go

So every morning since monday my alarm has gone off at 5:20am and I've 'sprung' out of bed. Monday and Friday we have the group sessions for bootcamp, the other days I'm on my own in terms of what I do. After Monday's effort I knew I didnt want to arrive at Friday without having done some exercise in between. So Tues was weights. Wed came and it was meant to be a run day. Having always had a love hate relationship with treadmills I thought I'd give it a go. I decided that I couldnt face running for an hour but I could probably manage a 10 min run followed by a 5 min walk. So plugged in the headphones and off I set. I ended up being on the thing for an hour, repeating that same pattern. Thurs came, mean to be weights, but I needed to prove to myself that wed wasnt a one time thing. Today, Fri, we repeated the group activity we did on Monday. I found myself able to run just a little faster and push myself just a little further. It was a great feeling knowing that getting up at this ridicouls hour and committing myself to the discipline of exercise was paying off. On Monday I could hardly move for the rest of the day, today I'm going biking with my mate Becks after work. Romans is going great too. I'm really enjoying sitting on the porch after the gym with my bagel and bible and absorbing romans. It's good for me, I'm not so sure I can say the same about the bagel!

BOOTCAMP

So today was day one of my 5 week bootcamp...let me explain. At the gym they were promoting this 5 week bootcamp that was going to start today. It was all about running, jumping,stairs, pushups and all those other things we might associate with an army style fitness thing. I have been terribly slack over recent years with my fitness so thought this could be the thing to kickstart me off. So I signed up....aware that it meant being at the gym by 5:55am!

Well on Saturday I was reading this book "SEXGOD" by Rob Bell (don't let the title freak you out - very good book) and was really challenged about how I relate to God and to others and so I decided that I would commit myself to an all over bootcamp for 5 weeks. In other words, while I put my body through a bootcamp at the gym, I'm putting my spirit and soul through one too.

So after waking up every once in a while during the night, thinking I might sleep through my alarm, I got to the gym in time (although forgot my banana for breakfast). OH MY GOODNESS. It was hard, at one point I was just waiting for Bob and Gillian to come running around the corner with red and blue tee-shirts for us to put on (biggest loser for those of you not up with the play). We ran, we sprinted up stairs and down them, we ran some more, found more stairs and then did these insane exercises. Jin one of the 2 instructors apparently used to train soldiers in the korean army!

As I plodded my way back to the gym there came a moment when I was out of sight of those in front and those still behind me. A little voice said "just walk, noone will know, you're almost there anyway, what difference will it make?" I reminded myself that this was a bootcamp and I would know, it would make a difference because I would be cheating myself of getting the most out of this experience. So I kept plodding along all the way back to the gym.

When I got home I took some time to read through Roman's chapter 1. I thought Romans would be a good starting point for my spiritual bootcamp.

So it's 10:45am and I'm feeling good, ask me at 3pm and I'll probably just grunt. I will try and keep the blog up to date with my bootcamp. Have a great day :) I know I will.

children's day 2007

What a brillant day! Hamilton turned on the weather, we set up some stuff and hundred's of families turned up at the park for a play. We had bouncy castles, a big slide, a chair-o-plane that made me feel dizzy just watching, sausages, candy floss (you had to be really in need of a sugar rush to endure the 1 hour wait in the queue...but so worth it), magnetic fishing, chocolate fish, singstar comp, balloon animals and a great area for under 5's. I must confess to being slightly nervous before the event as to whether I had remembered everything on my list.....and what would we do with all those sausages if noone showed up? I need not have worried. This community of West Hamilton is amazing. They were so supportive and it was fantastic to see whole families playing together. I enjoyed it so much I'm already excited about next year. Of course it was an awesome team of people who put it together and an equally awesome group of volunteers on the day that made the day run so smoothly.

BUSY BUSY BUSY

I am still around, its crazy busy here in Kirikiriroa. Hopefully I will make some time after this sunday to update my blog.. Its childrens day this sun and we've got a big event at the local park.....much fun is planned.

l8r

police...they're watching!

Ok so I know its been ages since I blogged....yet again. To briefly catch up to today. Dec - went to wellington for Commissioning, my brothers Queens award (boys brigade) and preachers boot camp with Rob Harley....all great.

Came home, had farewell sunday, finished packing....freaked out as movers came 2 days early...and left to head to chch. Had Christmas in chch and left boxing day to head to Wellington. Stopped for the night and then up at 5:30am to travel to Hamilton.

Got there, checked out the house, then stayed with Becks for a couple of nights due to unforseen circumstances.

Anyway a funny thing happened yesterday and I thought 'I really must blog that'...and unlike all the other times Ive thought that, Im actually doing it.

So the registration on my car had expired over the long weekend and the post office didnt open to today. Yesterday (when I realised it had expired) I was in a bit of a bind, you see I had some videos that needed to be dropped back but expired rego...so I thought I'd take side streets as far as I could before getting onto the main drag to get to the video shop. My theory was that I would be less likely to see cops on these side streets. BIG MISTAKE!

As I was driving down this quiet surburban street, not one, not two but three cop cars came down it one after the other all in a row. I thought "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME". You see it would be very easy to spot my expired sticker as it still said 2006 on it and as we hopefully all know its now 2007. So I turned onto the main drag only to have another cop car behind me, but they turned down the side street to follow the THREE other cop cars.

Then coming home I stopped at the lights and yes, there it was, another cop car sitting at the lights.

I dont know how many cops cars were on duty yesterday afternoon but I tell you what, I was feeling like somehow big brother had been watching me, and letting me know that!

So first thing this morning I went to the post office and registered my car and havent seen a cop car since!

there's a consipracy brewing in the sultanas!

So, I had this 'great' idea for youth group the other nite. A play on the old car rally, scavenger hunt thing. It was quite simple really. Each car had clues and at each location they had to find information and text it to the cellphone number on the clue. If they were correct they would get a text back with a word that once they were all put together, would lead them to the final destination. The clues didnt always have the same cellphone number on it, so they had to actually pay attention to the clues. The first location was one of our local supermarkets...its big, its yellow, you pack your own groceries....I anticipated this would take them about 5mins...1/2 later they are all still there trying to get the right answer. All they had to do was tell me how much it would cost them to purchase 5 particular items. I bought them that morning and had a till receipt in case anyone tried to dispute it. In the end I text them the amount of each individual item and they had to add them up (which a couple of teams still struggled with). Anyway the nite was a TOTAL DISASTER in one respect. Not one team finished. Two teams thought they'd be smart and after a few clues headed to where they thought the finish was (and they were right) However, because the lights were off and they couldnt see my car (because I hid it round the corner in a side street) they didnt even bother to get out of the car!!!! The other cellphone was one bought from that big red shop that has that annoying jingle...and well it just didnt cope with the volume of texts so it wouldnt send answers back to the teams! In another way though the nite was a TOTAL BLAST they all had so much fun driving around the city and plotting their revenge against the organiser (that's me).

Now you're probably asking by now, if you're still reading, what has this got to do with Sultana's? Let me take you back to that big yellow shop and fill you in. See if you can follow me...

Thurs 8:30 am - I purchase 500g budget sultanas for $3:29 ( i have the receipt to prove it)
Thurs 7:30 pm - Teams are claiming the sultanas are $3:25 (label on the shelf)

After the race was over I had to see it for myself. Sure enough on the shelf they are advertised at $3:25...BUT when I took them to the checkout and asked them to scan they came up at $3:29. Now you might think ok 4c isnt much.....BUT if the sultana's were the only thing I was buying it becomes an issue of 10c.

At $3:25 they must round it down to $3:20 because we no longer have 5c pieces. At $3:29 they round it up to $3:30 ....see where the 10c is?

I started to wonder just how many items in the store are sporting a shelf price that differs from a checkout price? Then I began to wonder is this how they are trying to make up for the 4c petrol promotion that they are now offering? Hmmmm

The funny thing is that on thursday morning I purchased well in excess of 60 items and how funny that out of all those items, I picked one that had a problem and mucked up my race.

So you can bet that I'll be watching those sultana prices much closer in the future :)