the gift of creation

Its the last day of our block course (Grace & Gifts in Paul). My mind is playing catch up due to the session I had to miss to be present at my summer school papers. Thank goodness for teacher's notes and voice recorders.

As I type we are talking about The environment and applying everything we've been looking at in regard to the environment.

This will be an incredibly short post - I'm simply captured and now pondering on a statement the lecturer made...

"The goal of creaton is not just to exist and survive - but to give and be given to"

How good are we at 'taking' from creation! How good are we at giving TO creation?

getting the right grade!

For 4 weeks now my life has been revolving around journals, essays, tests and dance performances. For four weeks now I've been bumping into an old enemy - perfection!

Somewhere along the way my brain decided that unless I got 100% in an assessment of any kind, I had otherwise failed. 99% meant that there was 1% missing. The old saying "C"'s get degrees, while true, has done little to combat the beast of perfection in my life.

The pressure that I somehow end up exerting on myself to achieve that perfect score is silly - and so time consuming!

Today I am facing a test and a dance assessment for Tonga. With everything that's been going on this week (a block course on top of usual study) I feel very under prepared for what I am about to face.

This morning as I walked to Uni I felt the Lord remind me of the account of Jesus at his baptism. Jesus had done no public ministry at that point. There is no account of healing or miracles or grand declarations about the kingdom of God.

Yet here God is declaring to Jesus that "you are my son in whom I have great delight" (depending on your translation).

What? Can that be right? Can Jesus really be delighting the Father simply by being and not doing?

I am reminded again today that perfection doesn't look like me - it looks like Jesus.

I don't need to score 100% in life because the fullness of life is not found in a score but in a saviour - Jesus.

So instead of panicking and already beating myself up for failing before I've even attempted anything, I'm going to try and dance like no ones watching ...

grace

While I'm in Dunedin for summer school I am also (this week) involved in a block course for one of my semester one papers. Its called Grace in Paul and is looking at the concept of Grace through Paul's writings.

Yesterday we talked about grace and gifts. The whole 'art' of gift giving around the world and its significance. is there such a thing as a gift with no strings attached? Is there ever a "free lunch"? Why is it that in some parts of the world (like NZ) we find it hard to accept gifts from others - and sometimes we find it hard to give a gift instead demanding it be anonymous....

So much to think about....

In thinking about where the word grace is used these days (outside of the church walls) my mind immediately went to U2 and their song grace...

"Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world

And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything
Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside Of karma

When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips
She carries a pearl
In perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings

Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace finds goodness
In everything "

We may not all bear the name Grace but we certainly can live the life...

breaking up is hard to do....

I've got that song in my head "breaking up is hard to do" - I've no idea why except that I've been thinking about brokenness lately and life and letting go of things that I hold onto that perhaps aren't necessary or beneficial.

The song is true that breaking up is hard to do - especially when you're breaking up because you know you need to, rather than because you want to. Sometimes there can be relationships in our life that don't bring out the best in us. Sometimes its that they hold us back from taking a leap of faith, sometimes they are just too comfortable or familiar and we hold onto them like a security blanket or imaginary friend.

I've had some time lately to think about my life - about what makes it up. Am I living a life without regret or fear? Am I living a life that honors Jesus? Am I living a life worthy of the call he has placed on me?

What I've come to realise as I have pondered (and perhaps its more a case of being reminded again rather than learning it for the first time) is that for me a necessary quality of my life must be brokenness - without it I am full of pride, selfish ambition, isolation, stubbornness and all sorts of things that lead me away from the very life I long to live and towards a life that will be marred by regret & fear.

The downer about brokenness is that we have to allow ourselves to be broken...

There is pain in the breaking - in fact - it can suck - when we lose sight of why and who and what for...

I can feel a stirring inside, a longing for a life that's produced through the process of breaking.

So in order to life that life and follow that call and be that broken I need to break up....

with thoughts, actions, words and reactions...

and embrace the one who breaks me...

I've taken up the idea of theme songs lately (a little bit like Ally McBeal but without the dancing baby)

Today I've really found a song by Joel Houston of Hillsong United really helpful in helping me find words to express the cry of my heart....

"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out"

So I'm crying out in the midst of the chaos that is my life for God to break me - I want to be consumed by Him in every fibre of my being.

I finish with one of my life messages "simple but not easy" and that definitely goes for breaking up!

H.O.P2.E

H.O.P2.E - what does it mean?
According to some of my facebook friends it means "Hope to Pee" (AJ) or "Hold On People to everyone" - Tina.

What it actually stands for is something that I hope my life will reflect for the rest of my days...

H= Humility
O= Obedience
P=Prayer
P=Purity
E=Expectation

2 Chronicles 7:14 (New International Version)
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

I long to see Heaven invade Earth. I long to see God move in power. I long to walk in a greater measure of the Kingdom of God - to see people healed, restored, set free.

For me - something that helps me make that a reality is H.O.P2.E - I not only put my HOPE & TRUST in Jesus, but as I apply H.O.P2.E to my life it keeps me grounded and expectant.

I am convinced more and more that we expect too little of God sometimes. We need to learn to expect much in the every day. We owe everyone an encounter with Jesus.

I am reminded of that once again today as one of our residents in our retirement village passed away. The fragility of life, the certainty of death, the gift of breath, the value of knowing whose you are....

if I do nothing else with my life I want to live a life of H.O.P2.E

Saturday for Samoa

In some ways I am glad I don't have a tv. I am not being bombarded with the images of destruction and death in the wake of the Tsunami that hit Samoa this week. In another way I wish I could see the coverage. Moving images move the heart (well at least my heart). I know in the days to come there will emerge stories of bravery and incredible escapes. In fact already there are stories of people dying as they attempted to save children who were being swept out to sea.

In moments like this I just want to pack my bag, jump on a plane and head over and do whatever I can. Whether its holding people while they weep, cooking food, clearing away the rubbish...whatever. I feel useless here when there is so much need. So I do what I can. Just like the bushfires, our church is responding. We are having a "Saturday for Samoa" day at our family store. All of the sales from Saturday will go towards the appeal that the Salvation Army in New Zealand has launched. We will also be taking up a love offering at church on Sunday. In the grand scheme of things it might not seem like much, but I believe every bit helps and if it turns our hearts towards our brothers and sisters in Samoa then all the better.

I am praying for a response that goes way above what I would have thought possible. I'm praying for the right people who can respond as Samoa needs it most to be released to go and do the work. I am praying for the families who have lost loved ones, for those who are still waiting to hear; and I'm praying for those whose response to this has been one of disappointment that the tsunami warning for New Zealand amounted to nothing - I'm praying that their hearts might be moved with compassion.

God bless Samoa.

God, Suffering and Justice....

I am enrolled in a paper at Uni this semester that is proving to be a real challenge in many ways. I enrolled in it thinking it would be really interesting and it wasn't until the first lecture that its full title came to my attention; God, Suffering and Justice in the Hebrew Scriptures. Now this has caused me somewhat of a headache as the weeks have progressed. If we are only looking at the Hebrew scriptures we cannot take into account the New Testament. We cannot bring Jesus the Messiah into our thinking and there is a real sense for me in which I feel like I'm only watching the first half of a movie and being asked to draw my conclusions from that. It is proving to be quite difficult.

I am currently researching my second assignment which is about the legal motif in the book of Job and in the face of the Holocaust is it justifiable to even try and justify the goodness of God.

My head is full! One thing I have come to learn is that there is much mystery in life. I don't have all the answers (and neither does anyone else). We must some how come to terms with the unanswered questions and let them drive us towards God, rather than away. If we let them drive us away from God we are far less likely to ever discover the answers to the deep painful questions we are asking.

I have been quite captured by a statement Bill Johnson (senior pastor of Bethel Church, Redding, CA) made after his father died. He basically said that in that moment he realised he had the opportunity to give God a praise offering that he could only give, this side of eternity. Grief and loss and pain is only experienced this side of heaven. In heaven there is no pain, no loss, no grief and so this was a moment where he could offer something incredibly sacred and precious. Did he still grieve for his dad, sure, what son wouldn't? But he refused to allow the loss he felt to separate him from God, allowing it instead to draw him in closer.

I'm not sure I will be able to give my lecturer a satisfactory answer, but I know that despite the lack of understanding I have at times and the questions I have yet to answer, that God is good, he is loving and he has broad enough shoulders to take our questions, our pain and yes even our accusations against his character. Job questioned, Job challenged and God engaged with Job.

I pray that I might find the strength and grace to present an offering of Praise even in the midst of my darkest days.