one matters for eternity

the gift of creation

2010-01-29T09:28:00.002+13:00

Its the last day of our block course (Grace & Gifts in Paul). My mind is playing catch up due to the session I had to miss to be present at my summer school papers. Thank goodness for teacher's notes and voice recorders.

As I type we are talking about The environment and applying everything we've been looking at in regard to the environment.

This will be an incredibly short post - I'm simply captured and now pondering on a statement the lecturer made...

"The goal of creaton is not just to exist and survive - but to give and be given to"

How good are we at 'taking' from creation! How good are we at giving TO creation?

getting the right grade!

2010-01-28T08:10:00.002+13:00

For 4 weeks now my life has been revolving around journals, essays, tests and dance performances. For four weeks now I've been bumping into an old enemy - perfection!

Somewhere along the way my brain decided that unless I got 100% in an assessment of any kind, I had otherwise failed. 99% meant that there was 1% missing. The old saying "C"'s get degrees, while true, has done little to combat the beast of perfection in my life.

The pressure that I somehow end up exerting on myself to achieve that perfect score is silly - and so time consuming!

Today I am facing a test and a dance assessment for Tonga. With everything that's been going on this week (a block course on top of usual study) I feel very under prepared for what I am about to face.

This morning as I walked to Uni I felt the Lord remind me of the account of Jesus at his baptism. Jesus had done no public ministry at that point. There is no account of healing or miracles or grand declarations about the kingdom of God.

Yet here God is declaring to Jesus that "you are my son in whom I have great delight" (depending on your translation).

What? Can that be right? Can Jesus really be delighting the Father simply by being and not doing?

I am reminded again today that perfection doesn't look like me - it looks like Jesus.

I don't need to score 100% in life because the fullness of life is not found in a score but in a saviour - Jesus.

So instead of panicking and already beating myself up for failing before I've even attempted anything, I'm going to try and dance like no ones watching ...

grace

2010-01-26T08:12:00.002+13:00

While I'm in Dunedin for summer school I am also (this week) involved in a block course for one of my semester one papers. Its called Grace in Paul and is looking at the concept of Grace through Paul's writings.

Yesterday we talked about grace and gifts. The whole 'art' of gift giving around the world and its significance. is there such a thing as a gift with no strings attached? Is there ever a "free lunch"? Why is it that in some parts of the world (like NZ) we find it hard to accept gifts from others - and sometimes we find it hard to give a gift instead demanding it be anonymous....

So much to think about....

In thinking about where the word grace is used these days (outside of the church walls) my mind immediately went to U2 and their song grace...

"Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world

And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything
Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside Of karma

When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips
She carries a pearl
In perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings

Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace finds goodness
In everything "

We may not all bear the name Grace but we certainly can live the life...

breaking up is hard to do....

2010-01-25T19:28:00.002+13:00

I've got that song in my head "breaking up is hard to do" - I've no idea why except that I've been thinking about brokenness lately and life and letting go of things that I hold onto that perhaps aren't necessary or beneficial.

The song is true that breaking up is hard to do - especially when you're breaking up because you know you need to, rather than because you want to. Sometimes there can be relationships in our life that don't bring out the best in us. Sometimes its that they hold us back from taking a leap of faith, sometimes they are just too comfortable or familiar and we hold onto them like a security blanket or imaginary friend.

I've had some time lately to think about my life - about what makes it up. Am I living a life without regret or fear? Am I living a life that honors Jesus? Am I living a life worthy of the call he has placed on me?

What I've come to realise as I have pondered (and perhaps its more a case of being reminded again rather than learning it for the first time) is that for me a necessary quality of my life must be brokenness - without it I am full of pride, selfish ambition, isolation, stubbornness and all sorts of things that lead me away from the very life I long to live and towards a life that will be marred by regret & fear.

The downer about brokenness is that we have to allow ourselves to be broken...

There is pain in the breaking - in fact - it can suck - when we lose sight of why and who and what for...

I can feel a stirring inside, a longing for a life that's produced through the process of breaking.

So in order to life that life and follow that call and be that broken I need to break up....

with thoughts, actions, words and reactions...

and embrace the one who breaks me...

I've taken up the idea of theme songs lately (a little bit like Ally McBeal but without the dancing baby)

Today I've really found a song by Joel Houston of Hillsong United really helpful in helping me find words to express the cry of my heart....

"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out"

So I'm crying out in the midst of the chaos that is my life for God to break me - I want to be consumed by Him in every fibre of my being.

I finish with one of my life messages "simple but not easy" and that definitely goes for breaking up!

H.O.P2.E

2009-10-16T15:45:00.002+13:00

H.O.P2.E - what does it mean?
According to some of my facebook friends it means "Hope to Pee" (AJ) or "Hold On People to everyone" - Tina.

What it actually stands for is something that I hope my life will reflect for the rest of my days...

H= Humility
O= Obedience
P=Prayer
P=Purity
E=Expectation

2 Chronicles 7:14 (New International Version)
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

I long to see Heaven invade Earth. I long to see God move in power. I long to walk in a greater measure of the Kingdom of God - to see people healed, restored, set free.

For me - something that helps me make that a reality is H.O.P2.E - I not only put my HOPE & TRUST in Jesus, but as I apply H.O.P2.E to my life it keeps me grounded and expectant.

I am convinced more and more that we expect too little of God sometimes. We need to learn to expect much in the every day. We owe everyone an encounter with Jesus.

I am reminded of that once again today as one of our residents in our retirement village passed away. The fragility of life, the certainty of death, the gift of breath, the value of knowing whose you are....

if I do nothing else with my life I want to live a life of H.O.P2.E

Saturday for Samoa

2009-10-01T11:50:00.002+13:00

In some ways I am glad I don't have a tv. I am not being bombarded with the images of destruction and death in the wake of the Tsunami that hit Samoa this week. In another way I wish I could see the coverage. Moving images move the heart (well at least my heart). I know in the days to come there will emerge stories of bravery and incredible escapes. In fact already there are stories of people dying as they attempted to save children who were being swept out to sea.

In moments like this I just want to pack my bag, jump on a plane and head over and do whatever I can. Whether its holding people while they weep, cooking food, clearing away the rubbish...whatever. I feel useless here when there is so much need. So I do what I can. Just like the bushfires, our church is responding. We are having a "Saturday for Samoa" day at our family store. All of the sales from Saturday will go towards the appeal that the Salvation Army in New Zealand has launched. We will also be taking up a love offering at church on Sunday. In the grand scheme of things it might not seem like much, but I believe every bit helps and if it turns our hearts towards our brothers and sisters in Samoa then all the better.

I am praying for a response that goes way above what I would have thought possible. I'm praying for the right people who can respond as Samoa needs it most to be released to go and do the work. I am praying for the families who have lost loved ones, for those who are still waiting to hear; and I'm praying for those whose response to this has been one of disappointment that the tsunami warning for New Zealand amounted to nothing - I'm praying that their hearts might be moved with compassion.

God bless Samoa.

God, Suffering and Justice....

2009-09-23T16:52:00.002+12:00

I am enrolled in a paper at Uni this semester that is proving to be a real challenge in many ways. I enrolled in it thinking it would be really interesting and it wasn't until the first lecture that its full title came to my attention; God, Suffering and Justice in the Hebrew Scriptures. Now this has caused me somewhat of a headache as the weeks have progressed. If we are only looking at the Hebrew scriptures we cannot take into account the New Testament. We cannot bring Jesus the Messiah into our thinking and there is a real sense for me in which I feel like I'm only watching the first half of a movie and being asked to draw my conclusions from that. It is proving to be quite difficult.

I am currently researching my second assignment which is about the legal motif in the book of Job and in the face of the Holocaust is it justifiable to even try and justify the goodness of God.

My head is full! One thing I have come to learn is that there is much mystery in life. I don't have all the answers (and neither does anyone else). We must some how come to terms with the unanswered questions and let them drive us towards God, rather than away. If we let them drive us away from God we are far less likely to ever discover the answers to the deep painful questions we are asking.

I have been quite captured by a statement Bill Johnson (senior pastor of Bethel Church, Redding, CA) made after his father died. He basically said that in that moment he realised he had the opportunity to give God a praise offering that he could only give, this side of eternity. Grief and loss and pain is only experienced this side of heaven. In heaven there is no pain, no loss, no grief and so this was a moment where he could offer something incredibly sacred and precious. Did he still grieve for his dad, sure, what son wouldn't? But he refused to allow the loss he felt to separate him from God, allowing it instead to draw him in closer.

I'm not sure I will be able to give my lecturer a satisfactory answer, but I know that despite the lack of understanding I have at times and the questions I have yet to answer, that God is good, he is loving and he has broad enough shoulders to take our questions, our pain and yes even our accusations against his character. Job questioned, Job challenged and God engaged with Job.

I pray that I might find the strength and grace to present an offering of Praise even in the midst of my darkest days.

the airpoints fairy is real!

2009-09-16T17:48:00.003+12:00

I was chatting online to a friend a couple of nights ago and they asked me if I was going to be in their neck of the world in Nov (their neck of the world is a part I've never been to, namely the UK). I said I wish...we talked a bit about a chance to speak at an event if by some miracle happened to be there.

I then updated both facebook and twitter saying I wish I knew where the airpoints fairy lived as I could do with some more airpoints.

Today on twitter I got a tweet from @AirpointsFairy saying that my wish had been granted and she was giving me $500 worth of airpoints, I just needed to direct message her my details.

Now I'm not one to be scammed to easily so I rang AirNZ and the person I spoke to had never heard of this fairy.

So after a couple of tweets & DM back and forth I got an email address. So I rang AirNZ again to see if this person really did work there....and sure enough she did!

So I sent through my details and 5 mins later I had $500 more of airpoints in my account.

Apparently my tweet had inspired her - how cool is that.

So my balance is still not yet enough to get to the neck of the woods Ive never been too, but I'm thinking that maybe a few more cool as things like that may happen and I might just make it....if not I can at least go and visit Gonzo, Ma and Pa in australia.

So if you are on twitter follow @AirpointsFairy and if you're not, then join up and follow them (and me of course @theshar)

faces, friendship & focus

2009-09-02T11:52:00.002+12:00

I realised yesterday as I was searching my blog for something I'd posted about last year, that I haven't blogged for way too long.

Last week I was at Manifest Presence Conference 2009 with guest speakers Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton & Martin Steel. This was my third conference and each year has built on the previous.

This year I had a simple prayer - I wanted to encounter God deeper than I have before, to know him better, to see his manifest presence more than ever before.

God answered that prayer. I asked to see God's face and like Moses, God showed me his goodness. I had an incredible sense of God's desire for friendship with me. It was very overwhelming. There was a sense in which I felt God changing my spiritual DNA, that I would never again be the same. I came away with a new sense of focus for my life, my relationships with others and most of all my relationship with God.

I updated my status afterwards with this statement "Words don't do it justice, I'll just live it" - and that is really where its at. I cannot describe in words what God did in my life over the week. Any words I attempt to use to explain or capture the experience will simply place a limit on what happened. So my best option is to simply live the change that took place. I now live from a new reality, a new level of encounter and understanding of Father God and my place in his kingdom.

I know that there are those who will not understand, who will choose to mock, judge or ridicule...but I'm ok with that. Noone can convince me otherwise. My prayer is that everyone will come into an experience of the fullness of God's love that I have experienced.

God's goodness is to be declared to all the nations of the world - I'm up for that!

A dog's love language

2009-05-05T20:06:00.003+12:00

Crikey! What a night! I loaded up the bumbag full of meaty treats, grabbed my gumboots and headed out the door with Aussie to the second dog obedience class. Tonight's class was set to be very different for one important reason - the dogs were allowed to come tonight! I was prepared to have my work cut out for me - he can be a bit of a mutant at the best of times - but man oh man, talk about hard work.

Right from the moment we got out of the car he went nuts! Throwing himself up in the air, barking so all of Hamilton could hear him, making a right royal show of himself. We got into our group and everyone in the group struggled to hear the instructors because Aussie was barking so much. I was struggling just to keep a grip of his lead and stand upright on the wet grass. For my Australian friends, be assured that I defended you when the instructor came over and said "oh yeah typical loudmouth Aussie aye"

It got to the point that one of the instructors put a slip chain and her lead on him and she still struggled to keep him under control. Part of the problem is that the meaty treats I had brought with me were far less interesting than the other 3o or so dogs at the park. Both instructors tried their snacks and still he was not interested. They both kept shaking their heads saying "he's a lab, he should LOVE food, Labs live for food" So Aussie is now going to be on a complete fast every Tuesday and if that doesn't help he may miss out on Monday nights dinner too.

So they got me to take him out on his own to the middle of the park and just try and get him to concentrate on me and the food, and sitting (without being able to use voice commands). Rather tricky when the dog isn't interested in the food which is the training tool!

Then the strangest thing happened. One of the instructors and I discovered quite by chance that Aussie responded to the affirmation of a "good boy" and then he would eat the food. The food was only interesting as a reward as long as it was proceeded by rapturous praise! So I'm thinking there's 5 love languages for kids, 5 love languages for couples, 5 love languages for singles....how about 5 love languages for dogs? Aussie it would seem is "words of affirmation - followed by a nice tidbit of meat"

I am praying that the sessions will get easier than tonight - because tonight was really hard....not cool when everyone in the group has learnt one name...and its your dogs name!

the missional church

2009-05-02T10:54:00.002+12:00

I have an essay to do...on the missional church. I've really enjoyed this paper and there is SO much conversation taking place about it. It raises a lot of questions for me and its going to be a dialogue that I'm going to need to continue as I wrestle with some things. I have found some connections with some of the frustrations I have had over the last few years with the way i "do" church. I feel like I'm standing on the beach looking at this expansive ocean. I have this desire to just run from the shore and dive into the ocean. But I'm currently just feeling the waves wash over my feet pulling the sand out from underneath my toes..... watch this space

ESKIMO LOLLIES - now what?

2009-04-23T14:23:00.002+12:00

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/2348856/Eskimos-to-stay-maker-says

This article appeared on a website I check for national news each day. Later that night I was with a group of people and I mentioned the article. There were a variety of responses but the general view was that people needed to just "get over it" and it wasn't a big deal.

I attempted to explain to them that the word "Eskimo" is actually an insult and it is not the same as a Canadian eating a lolly called a "kiwi" or a German eating a lolly called a "pakeha".

Each of us now armed with the information regarding the Inuit people and the term "Eskimo" are faced with a choice. Do we ignore their view, claiming our distance from them as a people group, the harmlessness of a sweet that has been around for decades etc...or do we acknowledge that their concern is valid and ignorance can no longer be our shield?

Some would say its political correctness with a sugar rush.....let's just hope they don't go on holiday somewhere and discover something that is an insult and offensive to them.

Michael Collins & the Revolution - Tomorrow Nite LIVE

2009-04-22T07:32:00.002+12:00

ATTENTION ALL MAKE CHANGERS.....AND OTHERS KEEN TO BE PART OF THE REVOLUTION.

South Australia are currently having their revolution camp involving Guest Speakers Michael Collins (the one and only) and Danielle Strickland (who needs no introduction).....

Think you're missing out by not being there? NO WAY!!! Check out the details below for the live online broadcast tomorrow nite (thurs)

"Thursday 23rd April 8pm EST we will be doing a live broadcast online from Revolution Youth Camp in South Australia. It will feature Nath Casey and the worship team followed by a preach by Canadian Michael Collins (guest at Make Change NZ)

You can watch it live at www.salvationarmy.org.au/sstv"

For those in NZ its 10pm

With the technology around these days there's no reason to miss out on the good stuff.

Check it out...spread the word...join the revolution

decisions, consequences & the little old chorus

2009-04-01T21:34:00.004+13:00

It's been an interesting day as I make final preparations for Australia. I had a conversation with someone today about some decisions I have made. They were questioning whether they were the right decisions to make. I finished the conversation feeling pretty low and thinking this was the last thing I needed in my busy day & did not want to head away to minister in Australia in a head space less than positive. I've had a few hours to think and I've been reminded again that as leaders we have to be prepared to make decisions and stand by them. We must be prepared to deal with the consequences of those decisions whether good or not so good. Sometimes I think it is too easy worry so much about failing that we continue to play it safe. We need to 'own' our reasons and logic. If we believe strongly enough in something then we have to be prepared to make those tough decisions and take whatever fruit is yielded from those seeds.

I wrote in my journal earlier tonight that "sometimes I feel misunderstood, undervalued and marginalised but I guess Jesus felt and experienced those things too." But I found myself correcting my thoughts almost the moment they came out onto the page. I don't know that Jesus did FEEL those things and EXPERIENCE them. I'm sure he found himself in situations where they could have been possible outcomes if his mind was in the same state as mine. I'm sure it would have been possible for him to experience those kinds of emotions if his self image and worth was as battered as mine sometimes is.

However I don't think Jesus did feel and experience those things because his eyes were on the Father, his purpose was not in the purposes of man, but in doing whatever the Father wanted him to do. His sense of identity was not determined by what others thought, said or did towards him, but rather what the Father thought, said and did towards him.

I think I like Jesus' way better than mine. So I find myself being reminded again about identity and destiny and my desire is as the old chorus says ...

"to be like Jesus, this hope possesses me, in every thought and deed, this is my aim, my creed. To be like Jesus, this hope possesses me, his spirit helping me, like him I'll be."

overload

2009-03-31T07:56:00.002+13:00

I've given myself a telling off. Its been way too long since I posted on my blog. Its not because I don't have anything to say...but perhaps because I have too many things and I cant decide what to blog about and what to leave floating in the recesses of my mind.

Here's where I am at today. In two sleeps I am heading to Sydney. I am going to the Australian Eastern Territory of the Salvation Army. The weekend will be spend with the youth of the greater west division at their youth councils. Then during the week I get to hang out with the paid youth workers at their annual retreat. I have the privilege of sharing some stuff with them and feel both excited and nervous at the same time.

I will then fly to Auckland and drive straight to Easter Camp which is going to be OUTSTANDING!

That is all really exciting stuff. The pain is that I have a uni assignment due on Thursday so before I get through these 2 sleeps I need to try and finish this assignment, pack (twice - Easter Camp & Aus), make sure our youth are organised for EC, make sure church is organised for next two weeks, sort the cat and dog out, sort myself out lol and finalise what I need to take to Australia.

So I feel a little overloaded. I was reflecting yesterday afternoon with God and I asked for his help to complete all the tasks that are pressing for my attention.

So today instead of aiming for a good day, I'm having a God day. I am taking myself off for some serious one on one time with God. I need his input and presence more than anything else right now. I could probably manage to complete the 'tasks' on my own.....but they would lack something. So the most important thing for me right now, is the Father's blessing.

I have so much to do today that my priority must be to STOP and PRAY.

So I'm signing off...and heading out

(and I will try and blog regularly while I am in Australia)

Hiding behind our words

2009-02-11T18:15:00.002+13:00

I have been reading a number of blogs over recent months and I see a trend that disturbs me. Perhaps I'm not tough enough for the reality of blogging and I just need to 'harden up'. I have seen time and time again someone blog, and then in the comments people rip them to shreds, or get very personal in their attack of the person rather than stay on topic. More often than not all of this is done under the name anonoymous. I get it that not everyone will agree, and I'm not naive enough to think that people will only every say nice stuff. But I struggle to appreciate the words of those who hide behind "no name"....

I mean would they seriously speak to these people with those words face to face? Would you be so rude, or cutting or snarky if you actually saw the other person's response to your words?

I get frustrated with argument for argument sake, or protest for protest sake. If your goal is transformation or change, then by all means enter into meaningful dialogue and action. But if all you want is a cheap shot at someone else's expense, or to throw out comments without being willing to discuss then what is the value in that? There is enough of that going on in the world to plug the ozone hole! perhaps that's what's caused it in the first place...all this hot air!

I don't mean to rant, I am typing this while trying to smile.....

Fire

2009-02-10T07:25:00.002+13:00

For so many people the events in the state of Victoria, Australia over the last few days has forever altered the landscape of their lives. As I write this the latest report is of 166 people having lost their lives to the flames. My mind and heart are feeling overwhelmed as I try and comprehend the enormity of what has taken place...and I'm not even an Australian. For those who are personally affected by this disaster I wonder how they will find a way to carry on, to rebuild, to restore, to start over when so much has been lost. There is a collective tragedy here for the nation, but then there are the individual stories of loss, of escape, of luck, of misfortune, of moments of heroism and selflessness and I think it is in these stories that we see humanity at its most vulnerable and at its best. When facing moments like these or living through the aftermath people aren't mourning the loss of an ipod, or $300 shoes, or playstations....they mourn the loss of life, of loved ones, of items not for the items material value, but what it represents, or who it represents.
My eyes and my heart well up as I read and watch these stories, and it fills me with hope. A hope that shows me that humanity is not beyond redemption. People have the capacity to love and to give of themselves to others and to both feel pain and comfort those who mourn.
So many people are feeling a great sense of helplessness as they watch what is happening and have a compulsion to want to help somehow. The Salvation Army in Australia (along with the red cross and others) are out there on the ground working in support of victims and volunteers. They are asking those who want to help to donate cash at this stage. It gives them the ability to buy the essential items like food and clothes etc that are needed right now.
This is one of the worst bushfires world wide on record...... but I think for Australia it is becoming a moment of solidarity and compassion and as a nation they are banding together to care and serve each other.
Pray for rain, for relief and for restoration

women and the mission of God

2009-02-03T08:17:00.002+13:00

I've started doing some reading for my papers at University this semester. The first is entitled Women in biblical text and the second is the missional church. Both topics have captured my attention over recent years and I'm really looking forward to engaging in some dialogue about them. The first thing I've had to do is put aside any preconceived notions about the topics and those who spend their time researching and publishing about them. I have never really considered myself a feminist (I didn't like the idea of growing my hair & armpit hair and sticking it to the man every chance I got) - can you see what I mean about preconceived notions. My mate Jules helped me to understand that being a feminist is not about being 'anti men' or 'antagonistic' but its being concerned with issues of gender and gender equality. Well that I definitely am, and always have been. I have much to learn and the good thing is I am open to it. I think one of the best attributes anyone can possess is a teachable spirit.

The missional church one is a fascinating topic too. There is much debate around these days to do with the structure, purpose and effectiveness of the church. There are lots of schools of thought and some who would rather debate for debate sake, than debate for change sake. I'm interested in the paper because I want to be a part of seeing the body of Christ be effective in its pursuit of the Kingdom of God and fulfilling God's purpose for us. I will endeavour to blog regularly over the coming months as I learn new things about women in biblical text and the missional church. Any resources that you might know of that would be helpful would be greatly appreciated.

It's simple but not easy

2009-01-21T14:05:00.002+13:00

I am soooo excited! I finally have a tee shirt with my favourite saying on it. For years I've been wanting a tee shirt that says "simple but not easy" - but of course there are those who would read something into the words other than their intended use....

But thanks to the legendary Aaron Mills (tee shirt designer guru) the latest 2Love tee's have the saying on them. They look awesome if I do say so myself.

In fact I love it so much I have 2 tees and a singlet with it on (I just need to get a blue one and I'll have the complete set)

What I love about teeshirts with a message on them is that they are great conversation starters and can sometimes cause you to think about something without ever having to have a convo about it. But I will be having plenty of convos about these ones.

The Mystery of the Mind

2008-12-15T20:19:00.003+13:00

Oh dear! I just looked at the date of my last post.....apologies to the 3 people who actually read this blog :) So since my last post I had a birthday - a great day and I felt incredibly blessed.....

I have been going after something in God for a while now. I have been captivated by Romans 12:2 for a while now "Don't conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, then you will be able to test and approve God's will, his pleasing and perfect will"

For a while I was sitting in the place of going...Yep I totally agree, my mind needs to be renewed in order that I might be transformed but I was getting a little stuck on the "how".

A friend lend me a dvd series entitled "your body, his temple" which I'm pretty sure I've blogged about before. It made me realise just how incredibly complex and astounding our minds are. It was also a little scary to hear how little we use of the potential our mind has.

The last couple of days I have begun working my way through a teaching series entitled "The supernatural power of a renewed mind" by Bill Johnson ( www.ibethel.org)

I am only up to the third teaching cd but already I am gaining so much insight into the importance of a renewed mind and the impact that it can have not only on ourselves but our world as we seek first the kingdom.

Bill said " faith is constricted by our misconceptions" - ain't that the truth. I think back to the times I've heard people say that sickness is from God and he's using it to teach us something, or the view of God I've carried around for so many years that he will eventually tire of me, or love me with conditions, or even down to thinking that there was a special formula for prayer - all these misconceptions have definately constricted my faith over the years.

I'm up to the part where Bill is talking about the "word of the kingdom" and how it is the living seed of another world..... so I'll wrap this up so I can get back to it...such good stuff.

I want to live my life not to the best of my potential, but to the best of the potential of the 'word of the kingdom' planted in my spirit, nurtured and nourished by the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life.... I want to live a life "out of this world"

grace & peace

gardening for dummies 101

2008-11-03T21:54:00.002+13:00

I figured I need to explain myself...all this gardening, people will be wondering if I'm having a midlife crisis. I actually come from a family of Gardeners. As kids my brother and I had gardening diaries. Our grandparents had a small section of their mammoth garden for Rik and I to plant seeds and to help them grow. We were responsible for the care and maintanence of the garden. Sometimes I wish I still had that diary somewhere (I'm sure I could use the refresher course).

So here I am all these years later attempting to garden again. So far I have built and planted 2 raised gardens, made a stoned garden and today I have planted tires full of cucumber and zuchinni. I think Im almost done with the gardening for this year.

All I have left to do is to plant my potatoes in tires and sit back and enjoy the fruit (or veges) of my labour.....in a varying number of weeks time.

a phantom, an opera, an accident & the kingdom

2008-11-02T09:07:00.002+13:00

I went to see Phantom of the Opera last night with friends and work colleagues. We made the trip from Hamilton to Auckland in a "Go bus!"...I think they are named that cos at best you can hope that the bus will live up to its name and actually go!

Our seats were as far back as you could get, literally. We had the back wall of the theatre behind us. I felt like I was up in the clouds somewhere looking down on these little people below. For the most part it was a great show...until the scenes where they were on high staging and then at best we could see their lower legs and feet, at worst, nothing.

Coming home in the go bus was an adventure all in itself. There was a "woah" from our driver, followed by the braking of the bus, the gasping of those who could see what happened and the sound of the rain continuing to fall. A man ahead of us had drifted to the left and then spun around to face us but not before slamming into the wire lane guard that separates southbound & northbound traffic. Now I'm never one to just sit in the car when there has been an accident. I prefer to find some way of helping...even if it is just clearing the road of the debris or holding an umbrella over the driver as we waited for the police & ambulance. He was Chinese and unfortunately didn't really speak english. In my best 'intercultural sign language and gestures" I managed to figure out that he lived in Auckland and has family there. He got a bit of a shock when he hit the rail and something about lights shining in his eyes before he hit it....oh and he wasn't injured.

After a lengthy wait for the police & emergency services (lengthy only because of the time of night, the weather conditions and my heels & fishnets not being the warmest) we headed on our way home, leaving the man, his car and the situation behind us.

I was thinking about it and thought "Lord, what more could I have done for this man?" It was so frustrating not being able to communicate clearly with him, to provide him with any sort of real comfort or assurance, or simply connect with him beyond our primative 'conversation'. I imagined what the kingdom would look like... if I'd had the sense to pray I wonder if for that moment in time the Holy Spirit could have enabled me to speak & understand chinese..... to have been able to pray for him and talk to him about Jesus.

I have a bit of a simple faith that believes that stuff like that is totally possible in the kingdom. If people can be healed of disease or raised from the dead, if people can speak in tongues not their own, why couldnt the Holy Spirit work as a translator in that moment. My mind doesn't understand it all, my spirit is still hungering after it and I wonder if like my view at the Phantom, sometimes my view of the kingdom is obscured because of the distance I place in my life. Am I hanging around the edges of the Kingdom, not wanting to jump headfirst in, choosing instead to settle with a toe, or even just looking at what others are up to?

My prayer last night was "Lord next time, I want to pray and ask for Heaven to Invade earth, for your kingdom come...and I want to do that in the moment, not as a reflection after the event."\

Finance One & Freedom

2008-10-31T09:05:00.002+13:00

Last night I had to attend a finance roadshow that was happening for work. I must confess I was not too excited by the thought...I mean I could be watching Home & Away or working on the garden, or washing my hair. I could come up with dozens of things I would rather be doing. However I went and I can't believe I'm going to say this but "I'm so glad I did".

I learnt heaps from the presentation. I was able to ask lots of questions (which I did). I actually got a little self conscious at one point because I was asking so many questions and no one else seemed to have any. But then I decided that perhaps some were too shy to ask the questions and maybe my questions were the same as theirs. I also figured now is the time to ask them since they said they were there to help.

I came away from the night feeling empowered. I finally had knowledge about things that previously I felt a little in the dark about. I now have the understanding to be able to manage the financial side of things better and more effectively.

Someone once said "knowledge is power". After the finance roadshow I would say "yep". When people are kept in the dark about something, or made to be reliant on someone else for something that they should and could be doing for themselves there can be a real sense of demoralising or invalidation that takes place. But once people have the knowledge to be able to do things for themselves, what freedom and sense of ownership is theirs!

Some other dude once said "give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime."

I think this whole idea is something that we always have to keep in mind when in ministry. I think sometimes the easier option or the quicker option is to simply "do things for others" rather than take the time to teach them how to do it for themselves.

If we really want to go after people experiencing freedom, then we must be willing to let go of some of the "control" or "power" and empower others to be able to "fish for themselves".

Just a thought.

Today

2008-10-30T09:14:00.002+13:00

Every Thursday morning I have the privilege of doing "spirit-lifter" at our bridge detox centre. This morning I decided to introduce them to the Nooma DVD series ( www.nooma.com ) and used No 17 entitled Today. At first there were smart comments being dished out around the room as the DVD started. But as Rob Bell appeared and began to talk the room became rather silent. At the end there was a "mmmmm" around the room as they reflected on what they had just seen and heard.

I reflected too. I too went "mmmmm" as I sought to gather all the thoughts running around my head.

Here are some snippets of the DVDs content.

"Life isn't static, is it?
It ebbs and flows and people grow up and move away and graduate and lose their jobs.
And people that you love die, and some get married
and others don't and some get divorced and some get cancer
and things aren't how they were"

"He [Jesus] tells them it's a whole new day, everything's changed, and God's going to give them everything they need. He essentially tells them they are going to receive a new spirit, one for today and he promises them that they're going to have everything that they need for their new life."

"If you need to celebrate how good it was, then celebrate.
If you need to remember how great it was when they were alive, then remember that.
If you need to grieve, grieve.
If you need to apologise or make amends or you need to do something to make peace with how it was, then do it, but then, move on.

"If you live in the fantasy that you'll get around to it tomorrow, that you'll get around to them tomorrow, you will wake up and it will not be tomorrow, it will be yesterday and you will have missed it-you will have missed them."

"May you accept the past for what it is

May you celebrate what needs to be celebrated

and grieve what needs to be grieved and then,

may you receive from God a new spirit, one for here, now, today."

I can choose to wallow in the past, to try and relive the past, perhaps even to deny the past - or I can embrace today, choose to really live and in so doing make today count...for myself, for others and for the Kingdom of God.

I choose today.

backlog

2008-10-28T16:54:00.004+13:00

I always find it harder to write that first blog after a few days, weeks or months absence. I think its because there is so much that has taken place & its hard to decide what to say.

There have been some great moments, some challenging days and some events that have pressed against my faith and have stretched me.

So here's where I'm at right now on Tuesday afternoon 28th October 2008- I'm still believing and praying that my cousin will be found - I'm still believing for healing for friends who are dealing with diagnosis of cancer - I am grateful for the good friends I have who continue to encourage me and support me - I'm stoked for my friends who are having babies - I am finally able to say "I made a raised garden....at long last" - I am incredibly grateful for God's faithfulness and his care of me - I think the Canterbury rugby team rock after their win - My hair is still growing and can finally put it in 2 tiny ponytails - I miss my friends and family - I love my church - I know I have so much more growing to do - I have really bad bed hair in the mornings and end up looking like something from a DR Seuss book - I am continuing to pursue the Kingdom of God and heaven invading earth and will give my all for that.

whew! I think the backlog is cleared and will attempt to blog again tomorrow so it doesnt build up again :)

entering the male domain - promise keepers night

2008-10-14T07:06:00.002+13:00

Last night I took two of the guys from church to a promise keepers training night - what an experience! David Murrow the author of the book "why men hate church" was here in NZ and the training event was advertised as everyone welcome and pastors welcome.....so I thought well I fit in the category of "everyone" & I'm a pastor & I'm definately interested in why men hate church - so I went.

Ladies.....you know how your husbands/partners/boyfriends/brothers start to look really uncomfortable when you head towards the lingere department....I understand how they feel. As I walked in there was a moment when I thought.....where do I look? Where can I hide? Surely there is some other female in this building? I think it was a case of being unable to just 'blend in' with the crowd! That feeling soon passed and I really enjoyed the evening.

There were some stereotypes in play throughout the evening. It could have appeared that all men love rugby, hunting and powertools while all women love needlecraft, cooking and handbags....which is definately not the case. We have to be so careful that we dont make sweeping assumptions on either side of the gender issue.

4 Reasons why Men hate church

1. They think its for women, weirdos & wimps

2. They think it is a waste of their time

3. The christian culture leans towards the feminine

4. It's hard for men to win at church.

He went on to talk about how to "MAN UP" your church

He started by asking all the pastors to raise their hands (which I did)

He then said the first thing Pastors is that you have to "be a man"! I laughed along with the guys around me, and so he told me that I didnt have to (whew). The funny thing was that the description he then went on to give of how to be a man, I would do all of those things anyway - 1. bring vision to the pulpit, 2. take firm stands on issues, 3. be a regular 'guy' not a religious 'guy' and if you do man stuff like go to the rugby, talk about it at church. Well I never realised that I was doing "man stuff" by watching the rugby :)

As I listened to everything he was sharing I've decided that I am not a 'typical' girl according to his theories etc. You see I love war stories, action movies, sports, Cooking on the BBQ and I hate flowers in church, needlecraft and holding hands with the person next to you at church.

An old dude came up to me after the sessions ended and quizzed me on whether I was a pastor. I said yeah and explained my situation. He then asked me if I learnt heaps and was now going to go away and make all the needed changes etc. I had to explain to him that I'm not the 'typical' woman and that our church is already naturally doing a lot of what was described so it wasnt really earth shattering revelation, but more highlighting little things. He seemed quite surprised.

I decided that God has wired me as I am for a reason, and I think my wiring has helped me as a sole corps officer to run a reasonably male friendly church. I learnt heaps and will certainly investigate the topic more.

David has now written a new book written for women and the part they play in getting men to church. I would certianly encourage pple to read both books and look into the whole area of why men hate church and what can be done to turn around the situation.....

and lets unite to get rid of plastic flowers!!!!!

it is well with my soul

2008-09-18T17:40:00.006+12:00

At the weekend I did a shocking job of recounting the events that led up to the writing of this beautiful hymn. So I thought I would take a few moments today to blog the details.

(thanks to www.biblestudycharts.com/A_Daily_Hymn for the detailed back story)

This hymn was written by a Chicago lawyer, Horatio G. Spafford. The words,"When sorrows like sea billows roll ... It is well with my soul”, were not written during the happiest period of Spafford's life. On the contrary, they came from a man who had suffered almost unimaginable personal tragedy.Horatio G. Spafford and his wife, Anna, were pretty well-known in 1860’s Chicago. The Spaffords' only son was killed by scarlet fever at the age of four. A year later, it was fire rather than fever that struck. Horatio had invested heavily in real estate on the shores of Lake Michigan. In 1871, every one of these holdings was wiped out by the great Chicago Fire.Aware of the toll that these disasters had taken on the family, Horatio decided to take his wife and four daughters on a holiday to England. And, not only did they need the rest -- DL Moody needed the help. He was traveling around Britain on one of his great evangelistic campaigns.

Horatio and Anna planned to join Moody in late 1873. And so, the Spaffords traveled to New York in November, from where they were to catch the French steamer 'Ville de Havre' across the Atlantic. Yet just before they set sail, a last-minute business development forced Horatio to delay. Not wanting to ruin the family holiday, Spafford persuaded his family to go as planned. He would follow on later. With this decided, Anna and her four daughters sailed East to Europe while Spafford returned West to Chicago.

Just nine days later, Spafford received a telegram from his wife in Wales. It read: "Saved alone."

On November 2nd 1873, the 'Ville de Havre' had collided with 'The Lochearn', an English vessel. It sank in only 12 minutes, claiming the lives of 226 people. Anna Spafford had stood bravely on the deck, with her daughters Annie, Maggie, Bessie and Tanetta clinging desperately to her. Her last memory had been of her baby being torn violently from her arms by the force of the waters. Anna was only saved from the fate of her daughters by a plank which floated beneath her unconscious body and propped her up. When the survivors of the wreck had been rescued, Mrs. Spafford's first reaction was one of complete despair. Then she heard a voice speak to her, "You were spared for a purpose." And she immediately recalled the words of a friend, "It's easy to be grateful and good when you have so much, but take care that you are not a fair-weather friend to God."

Upon hearing the terrible news, Horatio Spafford boarded the next ship out of New York to join his bereaved wife. Bertha Spafford (the fifth daughter of Horatio and Anna born later) explained that during her father's voyage, the captain of the ship had called him to the bridge. "A careful reckoning has been made", he said, "and I believe we are now passing the place where the de Havre was wrecked. The water is three miles deep." Horatio then returned to his cabin and penned the lyrics of his great hymn.

The words which Spafford wrote that day come from 2 Kings 4:26. They echo the response of the Shunammite woman to the sudden death of her only child. Though we are told "her soul is vexed within her", she still maintains that 'It is well." And Spafford's song reveals a man whose trust in the Lord is as unwavering as hers was.

It would be very difficult for any of us to predict how we would react under circumstances similar to those experienced by the Spaffords. But we do know that the God who sustained them would also be with us.No matter what circumstances overtake us may we be able to say with Horatio Spafford...

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet,
though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul!

It is well ... with my soul!
It is well,
it is well,
with my soul

Horatio fought a personal battle and gained a victory that we as generations that have followed have been able to enjoy the spoils of. One man's victory is a generations spoils. How different we might look at our own life if we could grasp that we pursue holiness & the Kingdom of God not for our sake alone, but that the generations to come would have gained ground on which they can then build.

At Youth Councils Stew talked about how instrumental this song had been in his Grandfather's salvation....2 generations later, Stew is leading us in worship with the very same words that captured his grandfather's heart for the kingdom.

May future generations stand on our victories and declare the goodness of God amidst the battle that rages.

kung fu baby

2008-09-18T17:40:00.004+12:00

So I'm busy preparing for the weekend. I'm participating in a Leadership Jesus Way conference in Rotorua and I'm doing 3 sessions, Discipleship, Generational transfer and seed sowing. I'm really excited by the opportunity to be part of the team presenting and as I've been preparing what I wanted to share, my thoughts turned to PO....not just any big fat panda - THE big fat panda! I went to see Kung fu panda with some of the kids at church and we had a fantastic time....its a great movie. I came out of the theatre saying "that's a dvd purchase".

There are some great lines in the movie...

Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can go for months without eating, surviving on the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe.

Po: Then I guess my body doesn't know I'm the Dragon Warrior yet. It's gonna take a lot more than dew, and, uh, universe juice.

Po: It is said that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness

Po: I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on.

Po: There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.

The more I think about it, the more I think there are so many lessons we can draw from Po & the legend of the dragon warrior when we are thinking about the Kingdom of God.

The movie speaks of destiny, of identity, of pain and its use in training us, of the enemy held in chains but set free when we hand it to him, of the call within each of us to greatness, of the discipline required for the task that seems too big, of the importance of a coach/mentor, of the prophetic voice, and so much more.

I am so looking forward to seeing the movie again, of owning it on dvd and being able to use it to help others unlock the secrets of the kingdom.

So while I wait for it to be released on dvd I guess there's only one thing left to say....

skadoosh!

the battle has just begun

2008-09-16T14:40:00.002+12:00

So I'm still basking in the goodness of God...and loving the sunny day here in Hamilton. It feels like the first totally fine day in months. In fact its so warm I was looking around work for the fan to cool the office down!!

I'm still reflecting on the weekend and all that took place. I'm praying hard for all of those who did business with God over the weekend. I don't know much about their personal circumstances, their family life, their social groupings etc etc. But I do know that in one sense the battle has just begun. Decisions were made, lives were changed, sin was repented of, addictions were broken and healing has begun......and now this is where the power of Romans 12:1 & 2 kicks in. This is where the process of no longer conforming to the pattern of the world, but instead renewing our minds is so key. Its the whole idea of sowing and reaping....we have sown certain 'crops' in our lives....and we've been reaping that crop. We make a decision that says I will now sow a different crop. There is a season where we will still reap some of the old crop, even though we are now sowing new seed. Even if we have now chosen to follow wholeheartedly after God, we may still find ourselves reaping some of the consequences of past seed sown.

Our thought life sows seeds into our hearts and spirits...the process of renewing our mind, taking every thought captive, is about checking out what seed we are going to allow to be sown in the garden of our mind...if it is a seed that would produce a crop you dont want to reap....then kick it out, dont let it be planted. Plant that which is good, and of God, and that will produce life.

Remember if you want carrots don't sow potatoes :)

SALVANIA II YOUTH COUNCILS

2008-09-15T12:28:00.002+12:00

I'm sitting at home, waiting for the washing machine to finish, and thinking back on the last 48 hours or so. I had the awesome priviledge of speaking at Northern Division Youth Councils held in Auckland. What a phenominal weekend. Mat, Jules, Stew and the DYLT (divisional youth leadership team) rock! They put on a wickedly cool weekend with this amazing 'game'. I wouldnt be able to do it justice to try and describe it...but the simplest description would be...

There are 4 armies, each with a general. Each army has 5 battallions of troops and they have to try and take over the world, by taking over as many of the 20 countries scattered around the city as possible....talk about organised chaos!!!!

As great as the game was, the highlight for me was watching the youth of the division respond to God on Sat night and Sunday morning. The hunger for more of God, and the willingness to count the cost in order to be fully surrendered to God was moving to watch.

I had the priviledge of praying for numbers of youth as they laid themselves bare before God. They desired to hold nothing back from God, to let no sin entangle them or cause them to stop running the race.

I am incredibly humbled by what I experiencd this weekend and feel so blessed to have been a small part of what God did this weekend. God is good, he is compassionate and loving. All of heaven was rejoicing at what was taking place this weekend.

The challenge for us all now is NO RETREAT! We need to keep taking the ground for the kingdom of God. We can't allow sin to creep into the camp and we need to make sure that we are listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit - RENEW OUR MINDS & TAKE EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE......

I pray God will now take hold of all those who were present and 'ruin them' for the sake of his Kingdom.

Invisible Vision

2008-09-12T08:22:00.003+12:00

As I've been preparing to speak at youth councils this weekend I've been praying that the invisible would be made visible...that heaven would invade earth....that people will see themselves not through their eyes, but as God sees them. So often stuff that we are dealing with can be made worse because of a vision problem. We either have a faulty 'lense' by which we view the world, or we get so lost in the midst of it all that we can't see beyond that moment to know that there is hope, there is freedom, there is a way through. For me this weekend, I want to have 'invisible vision'. I want to see what God is up to and make sure that I do everything I can to usher in the Kingdom of God. When I'm meeting people, I want to see them as Jesus sees them, I want to catch a glimpse of God's heart for them and to speak words of life into the circumstances.

I'm reminded of the passage in 2 Kings 6 where Elisha is with his servant and the servant panics because he wakes up in the morning to discover that the city is surrounded by enemy chariots and an army with horses. He's really scared, not knowing what to do.

Elisha the prophet of God tells him not to worry because "those who are with us are more than thosw who are with them" And then Elisha prayed "Lord open his eyes so he may see." And the servant saw that the hills were full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

This weekend I am praying that God would open the eyes of the youth of the Northern Division to see the reality of the battle. That they would have invisible vision - that which is invisible becomes visible - and that they have an encounter with God's holy presence.

honoring those who paid the price

2008-09-10T06:54:00.002+12:00

So last night I was having dinner with 'the family' (my spiritual dad & grand dad - although that makes him sound really old!) We got to talking about what it was like in the army years ago when they were training to be officers, what it was like pre-music teams and 'praise and worship'. It was hard for me to imagine the 'world' that they were describing. There are things that happen all the time today that I guess I take for granted. But last night listening to them talk I realised that there was a huge cost paid by individuals in order to bring about the changes and freedoms that I have always enjoyed. Can you believe that there was a time where 'songs of praise' wasn't allowed! There was a time that to use a 'songs of praise' book was what defined you as charismatic according to some. As I listened to Ivan and Malcolm share last night I felt quite overwhelmed at the sacrifice they and Glenda & Laurel (their spouses) and others made, the personal pain they must have felt along the way and their pursuit of God's goodness and presence.

I want to honor them today and say "thank you. On behalf of my generation, thank you. Thank you for carving a path, for beating back the undergrowth to make a path that we can freely walk down today. Thank you for the lead that you've passed on to us. I am determined to make the most of the lead that you have given me."

There was also a little part of me that saw that those years of struggle and adversity did something good in them. There was a refining that took place over those years that only comes by such experiences. There is a reward given to those who are willing to pay that kind of price. As I think about our current climate it is hard to imagine that there would ever be such a time again where within our own ranks opposition is great, the challenge is huge and the cost is great....but I hope and pray that if such a time exists in my lifetime, that I would do the family proud and stand the same way they stood. I pray that I might have the same courage and determination to press in to the things of God, even when the road seems very lonely and hard.

I salute you!

update - Manifest Presence

2008-09-02T07:48:00.003+12:00

I have had an incredible week & weekend. I won't be able to fully express it all in one post so will perhaps just scratch the surface today. Monday last week I headed to Auckland to attend the Manifest Presence Conference at Harbourside Church. The guest speakers were Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton (both from Bethel Church in Redding California) and Russell Evans of planetshakers fame.

For me it was a week of breakthrough and revelation. I was able to work through some stuff that had been tripping me up for years and have a greater revelation of Father God's love and goodness. I have a greater sense of destiny and purpose than ever before.

It was also great to be able to hang out with "the family", to pray for each other and hear what God was saying to us throughout the week.

I'm hoping to take some time over the coming weeks to blog about some of the things that impacted me and helped to bring revelation.

I just want to see Heaven on Earth and the gap between Jesus and me get smaller and smaller as I seek the Father's presence. God is good. His grace IS sufficient...sometimes its our perspective that needs a shift. Sometimes we just need to get over ourselves.

a life changed

2008-08-10T19:40:00.002+12:00

At church today we had someone leading the meeting for the first time and he was talking about the difference that God has made in his life. He'd had a powerful encounter with God was trying to describe what a difference its made. At one point he said "I can't put it into words to convey the extent of the change" and a number of us answered back "its ok, we can tell, we can see it on your face" and it was so true. There was a lightness in his face and a sparkle in his eye that hadnt been there before.

Its awesome to see God setting people free and changing their lives

in the secret places

2008-08-08T08:15:00.002+12:00

I have so much to say that it would perhaps take a book to detail it all....so this is just a sliver of ice on the iceberg of my experience.

I've been watching a series over the last week entitled "your body, his temple". In this series Caroline Leaf M.D a South African brain guru (can't remember her actual title) is talking about the complexities of the brain and about toxic thoughts and what happens to our mind because of the way we think.....absolutely incredible stuff.

So in it she talks about the need to renew our minds (sound familiar bible readers?) and how we need to take captive our thoughts instead of letting thoughts just roam freely around in our heads.

So my head is conscious of all of this....and then last night at the Leadership Jesus Way extension seminar conference we had a ministry time and God began to help me to renew my mind on some pretty painful memories of my past. It was an incredibly sacred moment. I would think of a situation and ask God "where were you when this was happening?" and then he would show me where he was. Powerful. Let me give you one example....

I was bullied at school and at one of the primary schools I attended I was being bullied after school by one of the girls in my class. In order to escape from her I ran into a classroom and hid in a cupboard and just cried and cried. In that moment I felt so alone, so isolated, so vulnerable...so I asked God, "where were you in that situation?" He said "I was there, I showed you where the cupboard was...I gave you a safe place to hide, I was your refuge" In that moment the many years of heartache and pain over that situation was gone. My thoughts about the situation had been renewed, the incredible emotional turmoil I have relived over the years was replaced by an indescribable sense of protection and care.

There were many more instances that God and I walked through last night and I have a feeling there are more to come. I love that fact that its in those secret places of our heart and soul that we are most found by God.

"Don't conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12v 2

knocking on heaven's door

2008-08-03T14:36:00.002+12:00

God showed up!

At church today we were continuing our exploration about prayer and developing a friendship with God.

We looked at two passages in Luke 11 & Luke 18 and explored three aspects of the kingdom contained in these passages (hat tip Bill Johnson)

1. friendship
2. justice
3. persistence

Sometimes we dont receive from God because we are his friend, or because of his justice...sometimes we receive because of our sacrificial persistence.

We had a fantastic time of prayer for people who are dealing with all kinds of things. We have people in our church facing cancer, major surgery, relationship breakdown, financial concerns and a whole host of other things....

These things are enough to derail some people, to question where is God, why is he letting this happen to us....

Yet we choose to believe that the enemy would want to derail us from the purposes of God...he wants to take out those who are engaged in battle for the kingdom of God....so we embrace the pain and seek the Lord in the midst of it all. We want to be known in hell....because the enemy will only concern himself with those who are a threat to him.

We were encouraged to seek the Lord's presence, because it is out of the intimacy with God that we walk in, that we can minister to others. We cannot give away what we don't have.

Today I choose to sacrificially persist in my prayers for myself and others. I choose to keep knocking on the door of heaven, knowing I am a friend of God & knowing I serve a just God...and knowing that God is good.

Prince Caspian

2008-07-10T08:03:00.002+12:00

I went to see Prince Caspian last night...I missed the start because I was waiting for people who were coming too. They ended up at the wrong theatre and decided to see it there instead...which left me with 4 extra tickets :(

Anyway rather than stew on the face that I was $45 out of pocket I asked God to speak to me during the movie....its something I do with every movie I watch. God and I have this thing you see where I watch the movie and he uses it to encourage or challenge me about stuff. Its amazing what one can learn through the movies. So there were a number of things that spoke to me through the movie but I just want to talk about one today.

Near the start of the movie (well the start that I saw) Lucy is convinced she saw Aslan.None of the others saw him and so they doubt that it was really him. A moment comes where they are trying to decide how to deal with the enemy. Peter has one idea, Prince Caspian another. Lucy pipes up and says that there doesn't just have to be two options...she's referring to Aslan. Once again her small voice is ignored and they attempt one of the two other options, with disastrous consequences. Many Nanianas die.

Finally Lucy is given her chance to go and find Aslan in the middle of the Forrest. She goes and eventually finds him. He asks her why she didn't come sooner? She replies that she was afraid to come on her own. She then asks him if she had come earlier would it have meant that the lives of all those who had died would have been spared? Aslan replies, we will never know what could have been.

As I lay awake last night I kept thinking about that conversation between Lucy and Aslan. It really challenged me about the fears and insecurities that I allow to hold me back from pursuing God.......and how many people are missing out on things because I am not ready or able to be used by God to bring change to their lives right now. I have two choices in that moment....I can either get crippled with the feeling of regret over missed opportunities or I can be like Lucy and actively partner with God from that moment on..... Lucy pushed through despite her fears and was the catalyst for salvation to come to the Nanians via the presence of Aslan. I need to push through my fears and be the catalyst for salvation to come to others via the presence of Jesus in their lives and circumstances.

an email about Todd Bently by Bill Johnson

2008-07-01T08:37:00.001+12:00

There is so much controversy about Todd Bentley at the moment. I heard an amazing response by Bill Johnson to an email he received recently. Even if you've never heard of Todd, it will challenge you when you are tempted to criticise others, or if others criticise those you love....

It's a big challenge to us all not to be so quick to sit in judgement of others....

"How in God's name can you endorse Todd Bentley?" (email sent to Bill Johnson)

"Have you spent time with Todd?
Do you know him?
Have you watched him with his wife?
Have you seen how he treats his kids?
Have you spent any time with his staff?
Have you been to his ministry?
Has he been to yours?
Have you laid hands on him and prayed?
Has he laid hands on you and prayed?
Have you grieved over tragedy together?
Have you celebrated victory together?
Has he sought your counsel and has he travelled great distance just to meet with you privately for advice?
Have you ever recieved his counsel?
Have you ever been in the room when God shows up on him, used him in stunning miracles?
Have you seen him operate in word of knowledge and the prophetic?
Have you met with his council of elders?
Have you personally benefited from his gift?
Has he benefited from your gift and ministry?
Has he ever honoured you for who you are in God?
Has he partnered with you as a friend?
Have you sacrificed for his welfare, for that of his family?
Have you sought God with him?
Have you ever worshipped the Lord with him?
I didn't think so.....

I have, and I will continue to support those I have walked with in life and ministry
He is my friend
More importantly God calls him friend
and if you and I were ever friends at that level and people hated you, turned against you, started web pages to tear down your ministry, criticised you to your friends,
wrote against you in christian magazines, criticised you on the radio, wrote emails to other conference speakers and authors...

I'd still be your friend

By the way, criticism in the form of a question, is not a question.
But to respond to your statement "how in God's name can you endorse Todd Bently?"
Its easy, I do it in God's name."

Food for thought

To listen to the whole podcast its Bethel Church and the podcast is called the Loyalty of Bethel

storms

2008-06-27T15:25:00.003+12:00

Wow have we had some crazy weather this week. In the early hours of yesterday morning, my friend Rebecca and I found ourselves texting each other to see if the other was awake. You see there was thunder and lightening having a party in the sky and it was pretty loud and slightly scary. Its kind of nice to know that someone else is awake somewhere close by too....slightly comforting somehow.

I learnt as a kid to see the lightening and then count until you hear the thunder and that gives you an idea of how far away the lightening really is. This 'scientific' method only gives me comfort in part. Sometimes there doesnt seem to be any thunder in between the flashes of lightening....but most often the lightening seems way closer than the thunder, or the thunder is really loud even though according to my count it should be very distant....now any weather enthusaists out there, please forgive my ignorance about these matters.

It has got me thinking though, about the storms that I face in life. Sometimes I can blow them right out of proportion. Things can seem so much worse than they are. My little bit of knowledge can actually be harmful to me if I dont take the time to explore the issue wider, or allow God to speak into the situation. Sometimes I'm convinced that this particular storm is signaling my soon demise - that I will be struck down by the lightening so to speak. Sometimes in the midst of the storm I think I am all alone and that no one else experiences what I go through and so I tend to isolate myself from the hope and help that I need to persevere.

I certainly dont aspire to be a storm chaser by any means, but I do wish to be a stormtrooper....someone who carries on through the other side of a storm, and is all the better for it.

don't pick that scab

2008-06-25T16:17:00.002+12:00

So it seems that I've pretty much retained my right mind after yesterday's encounter with the car boot. But now I have this big scab like blob on the back of my head....and all I want to do is pick it off. You know what its like when as a kid you egot a big scab on your knee. did you ever get told that if you pick your scabs you could end up damaging your kidneys? I certainly did. I have no idea of the logic of it but it was meant to be a deterant to the temptation of picking.

Apparently they are 'designed' to simply fall off when they are no longer needed by the body...and that whole itchy thing is part of it all. Yet as a kid scabs very rarely 'fell off'. Usually I picked at them until they came off and the blood would ooze again, indicating that I was a little premature in my removal of the scab.

I think that there are times in our lives where scabs can form in our lives, and they are there for our protection and health. When we are hurt I think sometimes 'scabs' form to stop us 'bleeding to death' or getting 'infected'. Scabs are not designed to stay around forever, so I'm not suggesting that scabs build up in our lives when we experience pain and we carry them around forever. I do, however think that a moment will come when the 'scab' will come off and we are able to deal with the situation. That timeframe can be anywhere from a few days to a few years. God will not give us more than we can handle and I think that the 'scab' is one way of 'plugging' a wound up so that we can deal with it when we are able. I have had more than one friend who experienced some form of abuse as small children. In their state as children they were unable to deal or heal....but as they grew older and either became christians, or grew in their intimacy with Father God, a moment came for each of them where the scab fell off and healing took place.

I've experienced that in my own life....key moments where 'scabs' fell off and I was able to deal with that which had wounded. The temptation will always be there to pick at scabs.....but that will just cause more blood, more pain and a new scab to have to grow.

So I'm leaving the glue on my head for a couple of reasons....A. I dont want it to reopen. B. Its really strong glue. C. I dont want to lose any more hair in the process

I wish they'd used Gaffa tape

2008-06-24T10:36:00.003+12:00

So I had an interesting start to the day. While putting things into the boot of my car, the boot came down and the lock hit my head. As usual when I hit my head I gave it a good rub to ease the pain, but unfortnately today when I pulled my hand away, it was covered in blood! Then blood proceeded to drip everywhere. After phoning a couple of people I found someone to take me to the emergency clinic. I was slightly concerned as this friend hates the sight of blood. She had great foresight and had put a towel in her car, so that became my friend as we headed off.

I was so intrigued by this visit. I havent had to visit the A&E for years and was surprised that after waiting in the queue for a while and finally arriving at the counter the first thing I had to do was fill out paperwork. There was no question of "are you ok?" "are you in any pain?" or "do you feel faint at all?" It was simply..... you need to fill this form in and that will be $39 thank you.

The medical staff were fantastic....all asking me the same questions again and again (but I suspect they were testing me...they were worried I had concussion).

After poking, prodding and washing - they decided that it could be glued instead of stitching it up. Which they did. Unfortunately, the doctors glove somehow got glued to my head. It turned out I was going to get a haircut afterall. So they cut out the doctors glove....and the excess glue that had dribbled and then rearranged my hair so it wasnt so obvious. Now normally this would have concerned me, having my hair cut but after the headshave at make change it seems I'm much more relaxed about these things.

I am grateful for the glue, rather than stitches but I think that Gaffa tape (or duct tape, or cloth tape as some call it) would have been just as effective. It really is the tape for every occasion.

So now I am at home, resting, keeping myself alert for signs of concussion and feeling very grateful for friends who care.

A lesson learnt the hard way

2008-06-23T08:13:00.004+12:00

I learnt a valuable lesson this week...the hard way. We've had a mum who comes to our music and movement group who has been pregnant. Early on in the pregnancy the doctors told her that the scans showed that baby had a hole in its heart. As you can imagine it was pretty devastating for them. It would been birth via C-section, an early birth and the need to go to Auckland to deliver (about 1- 1/2 hours drive). So I thought...I'm going to pray that God would heal this baby's heart so that there is no trace of any heart problems. That's what I've been doing for the last few months.

Well baby was born on Tuesday with absolutely NO heart problems of any kind!! GOD HEALED THE HEART! It was awesome!.....

Except I hadn't told the mum that I was going to pray. The sister was at playgroup talking about the frustration of all of these months of worry when there had been nothing wrong all along....I asked her about how the doctors decided that there was a problem and she talked about these tests that they had done. It sounded pretty clear that the doctors had known what they were doing.....so the only explaination that I see is that God healed the baby.

But because I hadnt said anything to them, to now say "I was praying that God would heal your baby and he has" is a little bit like closing the gate after the horse has bolted. I missed an amazing opportunity to honour God and to give him the credit for an awesome miracle. I missed an opportunity to sow seeds into the life of this family and to draw their attention to Father God.

I have learnt through the pain of regretting my omission that I need to be more bold when it comes to sharing with others. I dont ever want to feel stink like this again. So now I am praying that I can make an opportunity to still share with them about my prayers and that I can do it in such a way that they believe it to be so.

Life - its simple, but not easy

A lame answer

2008-06-22T13:55:00.002+12:00

So I was sharing this morning at church about pain and its role in our lives and I talked about the lame guy in John 5. He'd been sick for 37 years and he's sitting by the pool where people go to get healed. Along comes Jesus and asks him "do you want to be healed?" Now you might expect that after 37 years of hoping to be healed that he would shout YES!!! with all his might. But he doesn't. He says "I can't" and goes on to give reasons (or excuses) as to why he hasnt been healed yet.

That wasnt what Jesus asked him. Jesus asked him if he WANTED to get healed, not how or why he hadnt yet. It got me thinking as I read that story about how many times in my life I have given an answer like the lame guy and it wasnt even the question Jesus was asking.

I think sometimes we can get comfortable in our 'stuff' to the point that there is a sense of comfort in it. The familiar, even with its pain, can seem easier to handle than taking a risk into the unknown.

As much as I am tempted to stick with what I know, I dont ever want to be found responding to Jesus with such a lame answer ever again. Instead I want to shout YES, YES, YES!!!

stuck in a moment

2008-06-20T07:20:00.003+12:00

As I was sitting at my computer this morning working my way through the latest activity on facebook, blogs and my email accounts, the words to that song started playing in my mind "you've got to get yourself together you got stuck in a moment that you can't get out of"

The truth in those words at times is scary, overwhelming, convicting and challenging. Have you ever got stuck in a moment that you just dont seem to be able to get out of? There are different areas of my life where I feel stuck. Sometimes it seems that one event was a catalyst for the sticking and I either havent tried to get unstuck because there is some crazed comfort in the moment of stickyness or I'm afraid to make a move in case I go from being stuck to being sucked into the pit.

When I reflect back on moments in my life, these moments of sticking often come just after a season of 'growth' or 'favour' or 'mountaintop experiences'. They can sometimes catch me off guard...which they shouldn't really because I've recognised that this is a tactic of the devil. Yet I find myself stuck.

So what's the answer to my sticky situations? choice, repentance, grace, forgiveness, humility and determination. I wonder how many people have never reached their full potential in life because of the stickyness factor? That's certainly how I feel at times. If I don't learn how to walk through the sticky moments I fear a life of being stuck...that would be fine if my destiny in life was to be a post it note - but I suspect otherwise.

So today I am attempting to get unstuck

an unchained heart

2008-06-19T09:25:00.002+12:00

This morning at our detox centre I was leading "spirit lifter" and I was sharing with the clients from Rob Harley's great book"going the distance". The first chapter is entitled a unchained heart and shares a number of stories including his visit to Nelson Mandella's home and the two pairs of shoes. (If you havent read this book....buy, borrow or beg) As we then talked about the kind of prison environment that he endured- one visitor once per year for 30 mins, one letter written and one letter received every 6 months and hard labour - I thought of the circumstances I find myself in at present and realise how 'easy I have it' compared to some. Sometimes I think I find it too easy to become tunnel visioned about my 'stuff' and forget about others. The longer in the tunnel I stay,the more my heart becomes chained, the harder freedom is to experience. Even though Mandella was in prison for over 25 years he never stopped believing in his destiny...that one day as an old man he might be called upon to lead his country...and so everything he did while imprisoned worked towards that end. He chose to let his circumstances work for him and not against him.

Proverbs says "Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life"

Some old rocker sang "unchain my heart"

Some brothers from wayback performed "unchained melody"

I want my life to be an unchained melody - a life that speaks to the fullness of life in Christ. A life that lets negative circumstances work for me and not against me. A life that CHOOSES to live out of the goodness of God's grace and love and not wallow in the pit of despair (see Princess Bride movie for true appreciation).

learning lessons from the "generals"

2008-05-17T17:02:00.002+12:00

So I've just finished God's Generals by Roberts Liardon - an interesting read. I've heard about the book for a while now, but have never taken the opportunity to read it...until now. The book contains spiritual biographies of John Alexander Dowie, Maria Woodworth-Etter, Evan Roberts, Charles Parham, William J Seymour, John G Lake, Aimee Semple McPherson, Smith Wigglesworth, William Branham, Jack Coe, A.A.Allen and Kathryn Kuhlman.

Some of these names were familiar to me, but I didn't necessarily know too much of their story. I was both encouraged and challenged by the accounts contained within the book.

The book finishes with some really good points about what does it take to pursue God's call and 'succeed'

1. Stay in your Call - don't try and fulfill someone else's call or their idea of what is best for you. Don't let the criticism of others push you into a corner. Too often we can latch on to the negative words people speak about us and allow them room to take root in our hearts - NO MORE!

2. Build an immunity to the things that affect you negatively - in other words, Guard your heart. If we let God lead us with HIS word, we can stand firm against the negative things in our life. Let's face it, we all know that storms WILL come, so its not a case of sticking our head in the sand and hoping we can ignore it - its about building our lives in such a way that when the storm comes, we can stand firm (like the wise builder).

3. Be daily filled with the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Jesus was empowered by the Spirit of God. The things he did, he did because of the Spirit's presence and his surrender to the Spirit's leading.

4. Don't try and stand alone - We need to surround ourselves with people who know us, and the call of God on our lives. We might be tempted to surround ourselves with "yes" people who will stroke our ego, but if we truly want to 'succeed' in all that God is calling us to, we need people who will be prepared to speak truthfully in love and journey with us.

5. Don't search scripture to use as retaliation against our accusers- anyone who is making significant impact for the kingdom is going to come up against resistance and people who want to tear us down. We need to keep a soft spirit towards them, not allowing any seeds of bitterness or resentment to take root in our lives. Let God be our defender. Let him be the one who promotes and protects.

One thing that struck me about all of these people is that they were in some ways 'ordinary' like me. They were hungry for more of God and it was this hunger that drove them to their knees to seek God. Another thing was that all of them made mistakes; some learnt from them and repented, others allowed pride to take over and ultimately cost them their ministry.

Definitely food for thought...

a woman is like tupperware...

2008-05-11T15:18:00.004+12:00

So its mother's day and I've been thinking about tupperware....

Tupperware is costly and I know many men who think women are costly too

Tupperware comes in all shapes, sizes and colours and the same could be said of women

Tupperware finds itself in all kinds of circumstances and situations - from the every day household stuff to the fancy dinner party...its adaptable and multifunctional. Women are stereotypically known for their ability to multi-task...we find ourselves needing to adapt to all kinds of circumstances and situations.

Tupperware is passed on from generation to generation

Tupperware has a lifetime guarantee

It's these last two thoughts about tupperware that I've been contemplating in relation to women in general but specifically myself. There are women who have lived their life in such a way that long after they have departed this earthly life, their legacy lives on. They continue to impart into others through what they left behind; their written words, their actions, their place in history as a change maker. Catherine Booth is one such woman - I am who I am today in part because of the way Catherine lived her life. Something of her life has been passed on from one generation to the next and will continue to for years to come. General Eva Burrows is another woman who is living in such a way that she will continue to bring change long after she has been promoted to glory (which I'm hoping is not for a very very long time). She demonstrates both strength and submission and inspires and encourages thousands of people from every walk of life around the world.

So I'm asking myself "what kind of legacy am I creating by how I live my life?" Will there be generations to come who will have a greater depth of life in the kingdom of God because of how I have lived my life? My hope is that I have lived a life that inspires and encourages others to give their all for the sake of the kingdom. To help others understand their place as sons and daughters of Father God and to love. I want to be someone who loves with a lifetime guarantee - that despite the ups and downs of life, the challenges and the dark times, I would continue to love and be loved......

its no time for silence!

2008-05-05T12:04:00.004+12:00

I've been reminded again after listening to a podcast about the power of the testimony of what God is doing. As people share what God has done in their life it opens the door for God to do it in someone else's life. I have witnessed moments where someone testifys to a specific healing and as other people in the room listened to that testimony, they were healed of the same condition - without being prayed for - simply by hearing that God did it in someone else's life. I am constantly encourging the church family at Grandview to share what God is doing because they never know who might need to hear that word for themselves or their loved ones. For myself I try and fill each day with stories of what God has done and is doing. It helps to build my faith that "with God nothing is impossible".

If what we have to share could be the catalyst for someone else's miracle how can we dare stay silent. There is no story too small....it might be just an ingrown toenail to you, but for someone else it could be THE moment to radically change their life.

We owe everyone an encounter with God. If praying for people seems scary, laying hands on them a bit out of your comfort zone, start simply by telling about what God has done in your life.

REMEMBER - There is power in the testimony of God!

the greatest miracle

2008-05-04T14:49:00.002+12:00

I know I've blogged already today but when you've got good news you want to shout it from the rooftops!!

Today at church I preached about the vision that God gave me for the corps (church). I've preached about it before but felt it was time to recast the vision - as Bill Hybels says "vision leaks". It was a great time with a few visitors in attendance. During the response time many people responded to the invitation to commit themselves to the seeking first the kingdom of God, the mission of the salvation army and the vision of the corps.

But the greatest thing happened straight after church. My administrator came up to me and said that she had just led (INSERT NAME) to the Lord. It was SO exciting. It is the greatest miracle ever when someone who was navigating life solo commits themselves to follow Jesus. We as a church now have both the privilege and responsibility to help them to grow their faith, to develop a Christ centred life and to run the race. It is not enough to see someone come into the kingdom, but we need to help them live as citizens of the kingdom, to understand their rightful position as sons and daughters of the king and to understand their inheritance.

All Glory goes to Father God.

a warrior and a worshipper

2008-05-04T07:33:00.003+12:00

So getting back to "living life God's way" from a couple of posts ago....this morning I'm taking time to reflect on Sunday's commitment "I am committed to live my life as a warrior and a worshiper as You, Father, extend your Kingdom on earth through me." I love the picture this commitment conjures up in my heart. It it one of strength, dedication, determination, a fighting spirit....a surrendered heart, a focused heart, a soft spirit, a unequalled passion for God, an intimate relationship with a loving father, a daily choice.

Jesus is my example - he is both a warrior and a worshipper, a lion AND a lamb. He didn't walk around trying to be liked by everyone. His motivation was not a comfortable life. He wasn't nice for the sake of being nice. Following the example of Jesus we need to 'war for justice, for righteousness.'

And as a worshipper in the midst of pain, hurt and confusion I say "not my will but yours be done". As a worshipper I say that God knows best, I will trust him in the midst of whatever circumstances I am facing right now.

So today I choose to engage with life as a warrior AND a worshipper because...

to be like Jesus
this hope possesses me
in every thought and deed
this is my aim, my creed
to be like Jesus
this hope possesses me
his spirit helping me
like him I'll be

learning the hard way

2008-05-03T10:26:00.002+12:00

So last night I learned a lesson the hard way.... all my thinking and engaging with the idea of sowing and reaping was beautifully illustrated....the hard way. Without going into detail I now have a situation that has arisen that I need to address. I didn't even bother to ask "why me, why has this happened to me?" I immediately thought back on what I've been sowing in this particular area of my life and knew that this situation is the most likely fruit from what I'd been sowing. It didnt happen overnight....but it did happen. Many little decisions made- each a seed sown and now I get to reap the results of that - no pity party, no poor me...just a clearer understanding of the life lesson I've been working on lately.

So now I need to work my way through this......an opportunity for growth (and I'm gonna keep telling myself that until I'm through it)

sowing & reaping

2008-05-02T07:01:00.002+12:00

So its been a few days since I blogged - being away from both internet access and the space to pause and think about something to say. The last few days I've been thinking about the kingdom principle of 'sowing and reaping'.

I've been using "Leadership Jesus Way" material at our small group entitled "living life God's way" that has been adapted from Dennis Peacock's teaching. It has a different commitment for each day of the week. Wednesday's commitment is this:

"I am committed to accept full responsibility for my actions and reactions as we strategically plant the crops of life."

At the end of the day I shouldn't be surprised by the 'crops' I reap in my life....if I take time to look at what I've been sowing - the crop will be the fruit from those seeds. The thoughts, attitudes and actions I operate in today will determine tomorrow's crops.

Now I'm no gardener, but I understand weeds well. If weeds are left unattended they will quietly and quickly take over the whole garden and they become the dominant plant. Some will actually choke other plants trying to grow. The best way to deal with weeds (besides concrete of course) is to deal with them quickly, regularly and carefully. Don't let them have time to take root....when removing them, take care...you never know what they've tangled their roots around.

In my life I need to deal quickly, regularly and carefully with the negative things that are in my life. If I allow them time and space to take root they will begin to take over and choke the life out of the good things in my life. I am attempting to try and deal with my attitudes as soon as I can, not allowing those negative attitudes to take root.

Scripture says "in your anger do not sin". Many people think this means that anger in itself is a negative thing. However I understand anger to be a secondary emotion - produced because of another emotion (ie I feel anger because I feel betrayed, hurt, jealous...). It is not the anger that is the problem but what we do while angry that the bible is warning us about. I was recently in a position of feeling angry about a circumstance. Part of what was going on was that I was surprised by the anger I was feeling and I felt I needed time to process with Jesus what was triggering this response so that I could 'deal with it'. I had a couple of people try and talk to me about the situation straight away - my response was "I can't do this right now - I can't talk about it" and I needed to walk away. Now some might say that was a wrong response, I should have simply smiled and said "no worries mate". But I knew enough about how I was feeling to know that it had the potential to be a situation where I would say something I would regret, causing damage to relationships and to the well being of the other people concerned. For me, it came down to "in your anger do not sin".

Did I handle the situation perfectly...absolutely not. But Jesus has used it as an opportunity for learning and growth for me. I have been able to see some 'seeds'that I had allowed to take root rather than deal with quickly.

This principle is so vital to the life of a dynamic disciple. The Holy Spirit is key to helping us take this principle and making it a life message - one that is shared by living it.

we're all in this together

2008-04-23T15:27:00.002+12:00

It's a catchy song..well both of them are. One is the song used for the ad campaign for the Salvation Army, the other is off high school musical....I get them mixed up sometimes.

Today I don't feel that we are living up to it. Today it feels like I have been banging my head against a brick wall. I'm trying to get things done and feeling like I'm being made to jump through hoops....frustrating to say the least. Today it feels like I'm one on side and someone else is on the other and its a challenge to see 'who's going to win'.

It got me thinking about my role in other people's circumstances. Do I frustrate their plans? Do I push my own agenda on their stuff? How much control do I try and exert on situations instead of helping?

The whole idea of serving at times gets lost I think amongst our own ego's and agendas. It is a constant challenge I think.

That line of the christmas song "Gentle Jesus MEEK and mild" Do we really understand what being meek is about? Meekness is not a way to describe a pushover, a weakling, a wet blanket.

Meekness is "Mild of temper; not easily provoked or orritated; patient under injuries; not vain, or haughty, or resentful; forbearing;" Now that's a challenge!

REACTOR

2008-04-21T11:54:00.002+12:00

So at the corps we are attempting to "seek first the kingdom of God" in all we do. A defintion of the kingdom that has been really helpful is "The re-establishment of God's rule in the lives of individuals and society" (Dennis Peacock via Ivan Bezzant) We've attempted to name all our groups using words beginning with RE so that we are always reminded of what the kingdom is about.

Women's group - relate (aren't women famous for their ability to relate to one another?)
Men's group - reload (it conjurs up images of hunting and manly stuff like that....so I'm told)

Youth group has been a challenge...what to call it? While there are over 2000 words beginning with RE, not all of them are suitable.

An idea floated by one person was "rejects" but we weren't too sure how a friend would feel being invited to come along to "REJECTS".

Its finally been decided to use the name "REACTOR" - its an anagram for Creator - and after all we are made in the image of our creator.

We are also in the world to bring change and provoke a response to the Kingdom....so REACTOR it is.

Feels good to have the name sorted...now we just have to live up to it!

....still I will say "blessed be the name of the Lord"

2008-04-20T13:14:00.002+12:00

This week has been a week of absolute tragedy for many in our nation. With the death of a man struck by lightening and then the drowning of 6 students and their teacher while on a school trip. It has been a week where the Kingdom of God has been demonstrated in a most powerful way. The faith of Christians has been on display for all to see and observe as they sought to grapple with the worst thing they could have imagined, the loss of their children, their siblings, their friends.
I have been so impressed with the way they have allowed the media in on their grief, portraying a very real response to the circumstances and a very real faith being exercised in the midst of it all.

Some quotes that have gripped me...

This from an article speaking to the father of Natasha Bray "Someone asked Mr Bray if his belief was being tested. His reply was forthright, even startling in a secular world. 'It absolutely tests my faith in God. This is another chink in the armour and tests my belief. We are saying to God, 'why has this happened? Where does this fit into your plan? I don't have an answer to that, sorry, but I do have a place in my heart to go.. I am just so glad that I know how to handle these things and know where I can take my grief."

Danie Vermeulen (board of trustees chairperson) "what you are experiencing here, its real. It's not a religion, it's a real practical thing and it's touching people and pulling them together"

Simply because we follow Jesus does not make us exempt or immune from challenging times, from pain and grief. But what these people have shown us is that through those circumstances we can have a hope beyond the grave. We have someone that we can run to....we can go to that place where despite not understanding it, or feeling it, we can still say "blessed be the name of the Lord". We can still say God is good. It may be that everything around us sucks right now, that darkness has closed in on us....but God is still Father God, he is sovereign and he grieves along with us.

When the pressure is on, what is inside us will come out...the question I have to keep asking is "what am I inputting into my life? What kind of life am I building? Am I building in such a way that when the storms of life come (and they will come) that I can remain standing?

I want to live my life in such a way that when the pain is so excruciating I can say "I don't have the answers to why....but I do have a place in my heart where I can go"...that place where God is still on the throne.

2 L8 4 V8?

2008-04-19T11:06:00.002+12:00

The V8 car racing has arrived in Hamilton at long last. It's been months of preparation for this weekend. It's good that its finally arrived. As I was driving through town yesterday afternoon watching all the bars get their outdoor seating areas set up for the influx of people, seeing the various businesses promoting themselves in various car themes and seeing the masses of people who are suddenly in our city, I had this sinking feeling....

What am I doing? Where will the Salvation Army be this weekend? I know The Nest are selling sausages to raise money for the community ministries in the city...but what about at night, when the racing is done for the day, and the thousands of people are wandering the streets, getting boozed up, possibly getting themselves into all kinds of mischief or trouble. Where are we then? Tucked up in our beds? Watching tv in our homes, oblivious to what's happening around us?

I had this sinking feeling that we as a city had missed an amazing opportunity to bring Jesus into the midst of it all.

So now I'm sitting here thinking...what can I do? It's not necessarily the wisest thing to head into the city on my own late at night. What can I even offer people? I even went so far as to think what could I wear? I have no coat that would say "here's the salvation army" and the weather is such that I wouldn't last 3 minutes wearing my uniform as such.

I'm disappointed in myself for not thinking about it sooner, to be able to rally some troops so we could head into the city and do something.....

So I'm thinking about it over the day and who knows what might happen tonight...I'm hoping for a God inspired and directed idea that I can run with at such late notice and without a lot of troops.

Gutted.....but hopeful

Jesus plays rugby

2008-04-18T22:26:00.007+12:00

So I've just come home from a rugby game...crusaders vs chiefs. I won't get into the sad details of the game. At one point though a player was sin binned and the funniest conversation took place behind me.

Guy who wasn't watching: "who just got sent off"

Girl with him: "oh it was that Jesus guy"

Let me offer an interpretation for you "that Jesus guy" is the guy with the long shaggy hair and beard. It got me thinking about how do people connect me with Jesus. I would be in serious trouble if the way people would connect me with him is if I grow my hair shaggy and attempt to grow a beard!!!!

The evidence of Jesus in my life must surely come from me spending time with him and he rubbing off on me in such a way that when people interact with me, Jesus is visible. So I don't think its enough to simply dress like him or have a Jesus haircut or saviour stubble.

Although I do really like the idea that Jesus plays rugby.

Freegans

2008-04-18T08:00:00.003+12:00

So one of the things I learnt about while I was in Dunedin at Just Action and Freedom Congress was DUMPSTER DIVING. I don't recall ever hearing about it as an activity done in connection to our "wasteful" society. I knew that homeless people have searched through dumpsters in order to survive on the street....but never others doing it. Hat tip to Hania Aitken for educating me on the whole phenomenon.

So today I was looking at http://www.news.com/ and saw an article about dumper diving. Those who regularly rely on the goods from dumpsters are known as "Freegans"

www.news.com.au/business/money/story/0,25479,23554795-14327,00.html

One guy Ashwyn Falkingham, has been dumpster diving for 5 years and has had not had grocery bills for those 5 years except for the odd condiments. "It’s entirely possible for someone with a fridge and freezer to dumpster-dive once a week and do the equivalent of a weekly shop," The mind begins to boggle thinking of the wastage that must occur in supermarkets if that is possible.

Here are the tips for safe dumpster diving according to http://www.news.com/

*Avoid bins behind locked gates or which are clearly marked with no trespass signs.

*Wear tough clothing and shoes and carry a torch.

*If security asks you to leave, don’t argue

*Dive with a partner or in a group (especially for women).

*Avoid bins associated with medical practices, hospitals or any other bins that may contain hazardous waste and materials.

*Don’t take people’s paperwork or personal information.

*If it smells like bleach or rat poison, don’t touch it, it may have been put there deliberately to discourage people scavenging.

*Don’t leave a mess.

*Leave enough for someone else

It's definitely food for thought.

Home Invasion

2008-04-17T19:50:00.002+12:00

Don't freak out...my home hasn't been invaded....well not my actual building. Let me explain.
Today I was in a discussion with some great people. We were talking about the kingdom of God and understanding what it is... what do we mean when we say "we want to see the kingdom of God coming down.." afterall isn't the kingdom of God within us?

For me an easy way to understand the Kingdom is that I want the reality of heaven to be the reality of earth. What goes in heaven, goes in earth. Whatever the atmosphere in heaven...is it the same here on earth? If not then I want heaven's reality to become my reality. I want my 'temporary' home to be invaded by my eternal home. I understand there to be no sickness in heaven...so I will continue to pursue that reality here on earth. I will continue to pursue the life of Christ at all cost.

Jesus said "seek first the kingdom of God". That is a massive challenge for me because sometimes I want to pursue my own interests, my own desires or agenda. But if that agenda doesnt line up with the agenda of the kingdom, one of them has to give way. My prayer is that I will always lay my agenda down in favour of the kingdom.

I love what God is doing around the world. I love the stories emerging of God doing miraculous things and bringing healing and wholeness to people's lives. Yes I can tell people about Jesus and the Kingdom of God but I also need to demonstrate the kingdom, otherwise I'm just like a door to door salesman, trying to sell something I dont believe in, or have no personal experience of.

So I'm praying for God to continue to invade my "home", my life, my church and my community.

Bob the Builder

2008-04-16T07:19:00.004+12:00

My Friend Major Bob Millar was promoted to glory (Salvation Army term for when a solider dies) yesterday. I'm still trying to believe it myself. I just saw him in Dunedin a couple of weeks ago and since he signed up to facebook, we've been keeping tabs on each other!

I dont remember the circumstances under which I first met Bob but I know I was still quite young and newish to the army. Bob always made me feel significant. He would always hunt me out in a room full of people to talk to me, and see how I was going and to check I was still a Cantaburian at heart.

Seeing Bob a couple of weeks ago was great....even more so now. I wish I had bucket loads of savings so I could just hop on a plane and head down for the funeral on Saturday. Having already checked out the flights, this is impossible. So my tribute to Bob will have to be the next best thing. I am going to the Crusaders vs Chiefs game on Saturday here in Hamilton and I will be yelling extra loud for Bob!

What I love about Bob is that he loves people. Check out his blog www.millarbug.blogspot.com and you'll see that God was still teaching him how to love people more. Bob was a builder - a builder of the Kingdom of God and of people's dignity and sense of worth. I know that there will be many many people who will come out of the woodworks for his funeral on saturday. There will be many who this will be the first time they enter through the doors of a church.....I pray it wont be the last. My prayer is that Bob's passing will be the catalyst for many to enter into the kingdom and in the family of God.....so that even in death, Bob remains a builder of people and the Kingdom.

So Bob I salute you today, as a man of God who loved Jesus and people.....& the crusaders.

xxx

Timber.....

2008-04-15T08:33:00.002+12:00

Many years ago, the Employment Plus scheme that is situated right next door to my corps came up with a brillant scheme of planting christmas trees to be harvested and sold to raise some money. A great idea! Somewhere along the way, perhaps due to changing staff members, these trees were forgotten about. There was no harvest, there was no selling, there was no money. Instead these trees were left to simply grow....and grow they did. They kept growing until they became a forrest of very tall trees.

So last year I arrived to the corps and one of the things we did early on was have a working bee to try and clean up the "forrest". It had become a great place to drink and discard the empty bottles it would seem. A neighbourhood watch meeting had been called by the residents whose properties backed onto ours.

Later in the year we had a really strong wind storm. One young woman actually lost her life when she was struck by a falling tree near the university. It was really windy!!! One of the beloved Christmas trees decided it wanted to "lie down" and proceeded to crash through the fence at employment plus. This was a blessing. You see had it fallen sideways it would have gone crashing right through one of our 40 retirement units, doing serious damage to the property and perhaps the person living there. So something had to be done. The trees were far too unstable to stay....even though they looked great.

Much discussion and debate took place. I love trees and while I didnt really like the idea that we would have to chop them down, I liked the idea of losing residents even less.

So on Thursday the sound of chainsaws and bulldozers could be heard as the Christmas trees finally came down.

It got me thinking about how a great idea left undone became a problem and how a tree left unpruned became a danger to others.

As much as I don't like being pruned, it is necessary for proper growth. The problem with those christmas trees is that their roots system was not stable enough to hold the height they had grown to. I need to make sure I have strong roots in Christ in order to support and nurture my growth, otherwise when the storms of life come.....I'll crash into a fence or worse yet.....hurt someone along the way.

So today I choose to embrace the pruning of God, to enable me to grow tall AND strong in him

they protesteth too much

2008-04-11T07:42:00.003+12:00

So I've been thinking about protests over the last few days. You only have to watch the news or check it on the internet to see the on going protests that are associated with the Olympic torch relay to know that protesting is alive and well in the world. It has been a well used method of action in countries all over the world for all kinds of causes. Some protests are non-violent, others cause bloodshed and mayhem.

There were some lively discussions around protests at JustAction08 and Freedom Congress and I guess this is what got me thinking a little harder about protests. Now I'm no expert,I havent been to that many protests over the years. I did start one when I was 10 because the school would not allow girls to play rugby at lunchtime with the boys. So my friend and I gathered together all the girls we could find (including the 5 year olds who didnt even know what rugby was and made a stand!) but my thoughts lead me at the moment towards the idea that sometimes a protest is the best thing and sometimes its not. Sometimes a protest will actually highlight an issue that otherwise would have been swept under the carpet.

However I also think that there are sometimes where a protest would actually damage the cause of change. Instead of opening the way for positive change to occur, it might actually close the door and bolt it shut. I wonder if its possible to love the idea of a protest more than the idea of change?

Thinking about the dialogues taking place last week...I was leaning towards a definate need to address the valid concerns being raised....but a live protest at congress would have bolted that door shut tight and it would have far reaching consequences that I'm not sure many had thought too much about.

So next week I am involved in the planning of an upcoming event and I will be bringing to the table the concerns raised last week, in order that we might be able to make positive changes to begin to turn the tide around. Its not a cop-out.....its the best step forward for this issue at this time in this setting.

There will be another day for another protest, but today is not that day.

Love vs Lust

2008-04-10T09:25:00.002+12:00

I have been reminded again by God of my natural tendancy to live a life motivated by lust instead of love. Now for some the very mention of the word lust would suggest a 'sexual context' - so for the purposes of clarity let me offer a definition of both words.

Love - is for the benefit of others
- desires to give
- even at the expense of self

Lust - is for the benefit of self
- desires to get
- even at the expense of others

So often when I reflect at the end of the day on my thoughts, actions, words and reactions, they are sadly leaning towards a lustful motivation. When I reflect on the thoughts, actions, words and reactions of Christ, his was a love orientated lifestyle.

So I repent of my lust and seek to pursue a life of love....love for God, for others and for myself.

As I'm trying to intentionally think each day about issues of justice I am struck by how the various issues of justice that are impacting our world are motivated out of 'lust' rather than love....

(just to name a few)

human trafficking
chocolate slaves
marginalisation of the poor
domestic violence
HIV/Aids

All of those contributing to the injustice are desiring to get at the expense of others. But I wonder how many of us respond to injustice from a lustful motivation? How long has it taken me to think differently about these matters because it was about me, me, me and what was in it for me, or what impact it would have on my life, and my circumstances

eek! How wrong was I!!

So today I choose to live a live of love......kicking lust to the curb and saying hasta la vista baby!

signed

a recovering pharisee

chocolate coated just action

2008-04-09T16:25:00.003+12:00

I've returned from Sunny Dunedin and the JustAction08 and Freedom Congress08 gatherings. Both were full of highlights, lowlights and challenges. At Just Action we heard about many things, only one being the idea of fair trade and chocolate slaves. Forever in my head will be the description Danielle Strickland gave of Zion pointing at chocolate in a supermarket and yelling "slave, slave" My friend and I pondered chocolate later as we had planned to visit the Cadbury tour. Having been myself on a few occasions I was intent on going more for her benefit than my own. As we went on the tour wearing our protective headgear (as seen in pic) we came across a group of workers busy putting mini crunchie bars into bags. Our tour guide informed us that each person works a particular station for only 30 mins at a time and then they rotate. This helps stop them getting bored or OOUS (occupational overuse syndrome). They also rotate from one line to another. So they might work easter eggs and then roses chocolates.

As I reflected later on cadbury's policy to look after their staff, my thoughts drifted back to a video clip I had seen just 4 days earlier where a young man talked about what life was like as a cocoa slave. He showed the welts, scars and wounds that covered his body, he demonstrated how he and others like him were tied up and beaten, and he told the reporter that he had worked for 5 years for his "employer" and had never ever been paid one cent for all his labour.

The contrast between the two was as far apart as they could be in terms of their working enviornment, job satisfaction, employer etc.....yet they were both working because of a common occurance....my love and volumous consumption of chocolate.

I must confess that I have finally begun to view chocolate differently. I've dabbled with fair trade chocolate in the past, but that caramello has kept calling me back. However now I have a face and a story that speak into my heart about the origins of my delicious treat. Now when I look at chocolate in the supermarket I'm pointing my finger and yelling "slave slave" (well on the inside anyway).

not hopeful but expectant

2008-03-27T08:45:00.003+13:00

So one of the key messages in my life is the pursuit of Jesus - not just his nature but lifestyle too. As I read scripture, I remind myself that the same holy spirit that empowered Jesus empowers us. This morning as I was praying the Lord revealed to me that as I've been pursuing this lifestlye, I've been engaging with it more from a sense of hope, than of expectation. As I've prayed for people, more often than not, I've been hoping that God would heal them. This morning Father God challenged me to live out of a mindset of expectancy rather than hope.

I was listening to a teaching a while ago where the speaker asked the question about whether people in 3rd world countries who were seeing incredible miracles take place had more faith than western christians. He said he came to realise that it wasnt that they had more faith, they just had less doubt!

I want to be a doubtless follower of Christ....a disciple who is expecting...not high expectations...but expectation fullstop!

I believe in the transforming power of God. I don't want to hope for that anymore. I'm expecting it.

Frida - Chosen to die, Destined to live

2008-03-27T08:25:00.002+13:00

So I read a book yesterday, yes the whole book, in one day. And before you ask, no it wasn't a picture book! It was a captivating story of Frida Gashumba, a survivor of the Rwandan Genocide...here's the blurb from the book.

"Frida witnessed her family being massacred by Hutu men with machetes and was then asked how she wanted to die. She could not afford a bullet, which they offered to sell her, so instead received what should have been a fatal blow to the head. She was put in a mass grave with her slaughtered family only to find herself still alive and conscious. She eventually climbed out of the pit covered in filth and blood. Frida will never forget her traumas but the healing God has brought is miraculous. Today this young woman has an important message for the world. This book tells the true, dramatic story of life amid the horro of the 1994 Rwandan genocide, but more importantly how Frida's life was utterly transformed by the power to forgive and love her enemies. Despite great adversity, the message is one of immense hope and personal deliverance."

In other words....an amazing story of grace and forgiveness and the determination to overcome.

It is a read that will disturb you as you read of the genocide that took place and the hundreds of 1000's of people killed for no other reason than they were born in a different tribe. It will also disturb as you think about forgiveness. Frida had much to forgive, things that I can never truly comprehend the depth of pain and suffering she experienced first hand. It is both incredibly inspiring and challenging to read her journey towards being able to not only forgive those who murdered her family and friends and tried to end her life, but the vision she began to have for her God given purpose amidst it all.

I heard the other day "Vision gives purpose to our Pain"..... pain is no longer there just for pain sake, but when we have a vision of God's plans & purposes for us, the pain has been given purpose. It is not that God sends the pain to teach us a lesson, but he will use pain in our lives to to teach us and train us.

I would encourage everyone to read this powerful book....but be prepared to be shocked both by the horrific events and the incredible transforming power of God to take that which was for death and destruction and brought life and hope.

who's watching?

2008-02-09T14:35:00.000+13:00

Here in NZ at the moment there is a competition running where if you are snapped holding a specially marked water bottle by a mystery photographer you could win $10,000. A local girl has already been one of the receipents of this competition and with at leeast 4 weeks to go there has been great excitement about the possible windfall. I have one such bottle and being an avid water drinker I'm happy to contain my water in a specially marked bottle.

But it got me thinking about differently we might act if we know that someone might be wathing us. No doubt there are people who wouldnt normally carry around these bottles, but due to the possiblity of 'being snapped' they will gladly do so, untl the competition ends.

I have been guilty at times of acting differently if I think someone is watching me....the eagle-eyed teacher, pretending to be busy reading at her desk, the guy at school who everyone thought was cute, the sporting scout who turned up to watch a game....we look busy, smile sweeter or play harder when we think that someone is observing our actions.

I must confess Ive also been guilty in the past of being a better "christian" when I thought I was being watched by others. I know Im not the first or last person to sucumb to this. Bill Hybels even titled a book "who you are when no-one is watching". It's not who we are in public, or on the stage that defines who we are. Its who we are when noone is watching that reveals our true colours....no one that is except Jesus. Jesus is always watching, always wanting to engage with us, always calling us on.

I want to be the same on the stage, as in public as in the quiet places in my soul. I want to be like Jesus. I want to be honest with him and with myself at all times. I don't want to be motivated by the thought that he might be watching, but motivated out of my love and desire to give my all to him.

...and if someone else happens to be watching I hope that they see Jesus in me.

a time for grace

2008-02-03T22:34:00.000+13:00

So right now I'm feelinlg pretty fragile. I just found out some news about some people very close to me and I feel absolutely helpless. I don't know what to say, what to do, how to make this better. I want to fix it and fix it now...but I can't. I can't make them change, nor can I demand that God do so. I know that they must come to that place of surrender themselves. But as someone who loves them, it is hard to stand by and do nothing. But I realised as I lay in bed blubbering about it, that I can do something...I can pray and keep on praying until I see God's grace transforming their situation and their hearts. I raced to my bible and looked up a bible reference that popped into my head. The moment I read the words in those verses I blubbered some more. It was like those verses were written just for me, and just for this situation at this time. If no one in all of history got anything out of those verses ever again that's ok, because for me at this moment they have given me hope, and peace and faith to believe that God's transforming grace is greater than any challenge I or those I love will ever face. I am reminded when I think about grace that "there but for the grace of God go I".

Please pray for my 2 loved ones.....God knows their names, and their situation and I would appreciate all the prayer support I can get at the moment.

drinking of God's grace, Shar xx

the sound of the ocean

2008-01-30T19:50:00.000+13:00

One of the things I've missed most about now living in Hamilton is the fact that the beach is so far away. The nearest beach is Raglan (about 40 mins drive). I love water, ocean, lake or river. I have really missed the sound of the ocean and the sand beneath my feet. Some of my best days this summer has been spent either at the beach or at the river (mainly in New Plymouth). So with my last 3 days of holiday before the year kicks in again I felt the need to escape the city limits and head towards that wonderful sound of the waves. So I'm here at Waihi beach with my partner in crime Rebecca for a few days of unwinding.

Do you ever have those moments where you crave something? Sometimes for me it is chocolate, or coke, or the ocean. Sometimes I crave space from the world and want to be able to cocoon myself in God's presence....just me and him. Sometimes the sound of the world around me gets so loud that I just need to hear the gentle whisper of my saviour. It is a soothing balm for a weary soul...and at times I feel weary.

So I'm at beach, fulfilling my cravings...for the ocean, for chocolate and for Jesus.

gotta go, I can hear them calling me now

a $16,000 haircut

2008-01-29T21:28:00.000+13:00

Well its been way too long since I last posted. So much has happened since October. The most recent of these things is that Make Change has come and gone.....and so has my hair.

We were having an offering for the youth work in Fiji and Tonga. I committed myself to having my head shaved if the offering got to $10,000. The offering was collected and while our team were counting it, Michael Collins began talking. While I couldn't hear all that he was saying, I could tell that he was talking about giving. I gave him the figure of the offering ($8,300) and he then told us that he thought we had the $1700 to bump it up to the $10,000 so we took up a second offering. The total of the offering came up to over $15,000 and so off came the hair. It's now up to over $16,500 with the foreign currency converted and banked.

I found the whole experience a roller coaster of emotion. It was incredibly emotional counting the offering and seeing Fijian currency amongst the money. The stories of young people's generosity towards the offering was challenging and it was pretty special being a part of getting that figure as high as it was.

It was a bit emotional getting my hair cut. I havent had short hair since I was a child, and people often thought I looked like a boy with short hair, so I was a little concerned about how it might look. I also remember a time when it seemed that the reoccuring comment I would hear is "wow you have such beautiful hair". It became a bit of an issue for me as I got hooked into the lie that the only thing about me that people liked was my hair. It took a while to work through that and the "make change" hair cut was terribly freeing as I laid that ghost to rest once and for all. For me it was a personal proclaimation about knowing who I am, and my worth as a person. No one else heard it or knew it, but for me....I heard the father's voice affirming me again as his daughter and that my value is not tied up in physical looks or even what other people think of me.

I want to continue to go after things that confirm and proclaim the truth and help others to go after that in their own lives. The enemy will always try and attack us in two areas...our identity and our destiny. The more we anchor ourselves in Christ the more we can stand firm amidst the storms of life that come our way.

I'll sign off for now and will endeavour to return again before my hair needs a cut!

I asked for a taste.....I got a 3 course meal

2007-10-06T09:15:00.000+13:00

How do I say this succinctly? General Eva Burrows is one of my heroes, right up there with Jesus and Wonder Woman. I have admired her since she first came to my attention as General of the SA back in the day. On a number of occasions I have made plans to "happen to bump in to her", but every time something or someone spoiled my plan.

A number of weeks ago I was minding my own business when this random thought invaded my brain and said "I wonder who is speaking at ACC this year" so I followed that thought to the website and lo and behold "General Eva" was one of the highlighted speakers.

So very excitedly I rushed through an application to be able to attend the conference and before I knew it I was coming to aus. As much as I tried to find a friend to come with me, everyone had excuses....oh sorry I mean reasons!

I have been more and more excited as the days drew closer to finally getting to meet her and perhaps getting a picture with her.

On Tuesday at the end of the Officers day I waited in line to meet her, not a literal line, but there was a definate figurative line of ppl waiting.

My turn came and I said "Hi General Eva, I just wanted to come and introduce myself and meet you." When I said who I was she immediately recognised my name from some previous correspondence, grasped my hand in hers and said "lets have lunch tomorrow".

As you could perhaps imagine, I was pretty excited about this, and there was a flurry of texts going back and forth to NZ (I'm dreading the bill).

So condensing the story to a readers digest version. I had lunch on Wed, and spent the afternoon with her at her workshop, and then on Wed night she invited me to join her for lunch on Thursday to meet her friend Meg. We had a great time and I sat with her for the final night of ACC. I am going to 614 where we will "catch up" again.

I feel like I've been sitting at a banquet of wisdom, grace and holiness all week long. I was hoping she might remember my name and pose for a picture. I had prayed that God would give me an opportunity throughout the week to meet her.

God totally made that request look minute. He has blessed my socks off and I feel like I need to keep pinching myself.

General Eva is still my hero right next to Jesus and Wonder woman, but now I could perhaps dare to say she is my friend. She continues to inspire me, to encourage and challenge me, and those good thoughts I had about the kind of Godly woman she is, have been both confirmed and expanded.

Thank you Jesus for totally blessing me and spoiling me....keep it coming!

the power of the testimony

2007-09-03T17:26:00.000+12:00

So getting back to manifest presence and what happened. On the last night Bill was talking about the power of the testimony of what God has done. Not only is there power in the written word of God (the bible) but also as we testify about what God has done. He gave examples of how someone was healed of a condition and as he shared with a congregation about what God had done, a person was healed listening to the testimony of how God had healed this other person. They have had 31 people be healed on bipolar and only 2 of those people have actually had people lay hands on them and pray. All of the rest of them were healed as they heard the testimony of God having healed someone else....mind blowing stuff.

So during the ministy time that night there was a word of knowledge given about a woman who was injured during childbirth and it was never healed. So during the testimony time a woman came up and shared about how she had been injured years ago giving birth and had not been able to sit on the floor and cross her legs. She then demonstrated God having healed her by sitting on the floor cross legged.

Pastor Bill then said "there is someone who God is healing you now of a childbirth injury as you have listened to this testimony. So check yourself out now."

So all the women who had childbirth injuries were checking themselves out and a lady stuck her hand up to say that God had healed her. It was awesome.

more to come.....

manifest presence 07

2007-09-02T16:12:00.000+12:00

So I've just had 6 days holiday and chose to spend it at the manifest conference in Auckland. Bill Johnson and Ian Green were the 2 main speakers and it was awesome! The first night 74 people were healed and there were over 100 on the last night - everything from bipolar, deafness, short leg, cancer, sensitive teeth and so much more. One of the girls I was with had her cracked skull healed the first night we were there. The thing that impressed upon me the first night was how 'unflash' the whole thing was. Amanda's skull was healed after the people from her own church simply put their hands on her and prayed. It was simple, straightforward and without a whole lot of show.

There are just way too many 'healing' stories to list but lets just say that God blew my mind again and again and again!

It has made me more determined to seek after God at all cost. I want my christian faith to require faith on my part. I dont want to live a safe christianity but one that is going after the LIFE of Christ.

I will blog some more about this later....feeling a little tired right now, but wanted to begin the conversation while it was fresh in my spirit.

a resilient life

2007-08-16T17:24:00.000+12:00

I've been reading a book over the last couple of days "A Resilient Life" by Gordon MacDonald. I've had to limit myself to reading only one chapter in bed, because its so good I'd be awake all night reading it and be shot for work the next day.

One of the reasons it has struck such a cord with me i think is because Gordon uses his career as a 'runner' as a framework for the book. Growing up I was a bit of a runner. I was senior athletics champion at both primary and secondary school and loved athletics and all things sporty. But unlike Gordon, I never applied myself beyond just turning up on the day and competing. I know I had potential but never applied myself to its possibility.

One of my dreams has always been to run the New York Marathon. I know I have the potential to do it.....but to date have never achieved it. Although in the last 6 months I've finally taken steps towards it by running the SBS 1/2 marathon in Christchurch over Queens birthday.

Since then, my training has slackened right off again....and reading this book helped me to realise something.

HI MY NAME IS SHAR AND I AM A QUITTER!

I have the quitters gene. I dont complete the things I start and I start things I never finish. I've known this about myself for some time now, but before reading this book I wondered if there was ever going to be something I could do to break the cycle.

As a kiwi I'm not prone to talking myself up....but there's a little part of me that thinks that God has destined me for great things.......and what stands in the way from me fulfilling that destiny is ME! I am my own worst enemy.

So I'm reading this book with a heart that is crying out to God..."Yes Please Lord".

Anyway that's a little confession from me....back to that reading.

Ruth Norrish

2007-07-16T08:38:00.000+12:00

No sooner had I published my previous blog, I received the word that Ruth has passed away. I just want to take the time to honour this amazing lady. She trained as a single officer for a season before marrying Graham and having 8 children. She has been such a delight to know, always encouraging me, and keeping Graham in line (a great sense of humour). It has been such a pleasure knowing her and I know that Graham will in one sense, be lost without her. Yet they both had such faith and trust in God, she is home with Jesus.

God Bless you Ruth

6 weeks in 6 sentances...or similar

2007-07-16T08:11:00.000+12:00

OK, its been way too long since my last blog. I did the 1/2 marathon and felt fantastic and overwhelmed all at the same time. I went to Wellington for a block course for my 2nd semester uni paper and that was a great time....fell in love with Borders bookstore, just as well we dont have one in Hamilton. My friend Karen got engaged, very cool. My friend Helen had a baby girl. One of the most exciting things is that my roommate from summer camp 95 found me via the internet....I've been searching for her for years with no success. So stoked that we have reconnected, so now I've found 3 of my camp buddies. Happy times. Its chilly here, but not as chilly as Dunedin.

At the moment I am wishing that I was in Dunedin thought. Graham & Ruth Norrish ( a wonderful couple from Dunedin) came to visit me a few weeks ago when they did the massive roadtrip up here for field days. We had a great day together and then had lunch together after church on the sunday. It was so nice to be able to see them again, they've always been so supportive and encouraging.....Well Ruth is in hospital and the last word I had yesterday was they hadn't expected her to make it through Sat night but she had. It's awful being here and not being able to support them and others as she makes her journey home. They are the most delightful couple, in their 80's, still so in love, and playful with each other. So all I can do from here is pray, and pray and pray some more, for Ruth & for Graham as he says goodbye for now, to his sweetheart.

So a tingle of sadness invades my days at the moment.

So for now, I'll sign off and try and be back again soon.

A 1/2 Marathon awaits...

2007-06-03T06:19:00.000+12:00

So I've been debating over recent weeks as to whether to blog about my attempt to complete a 1/2 marathon. I resisted, because that would make it just a little too real...well this morning there is no turning back. In just under 3 hours times the starting gun will go, and I will be off like a tortise (as opposed to a rabbit!)

My training started out great and then along came a calf muscle strain that caused a hiccup or two to my plans. So today is not about RUNNING a 1/2, its about COMPLETEING a 1/2....and I'm ok with that, because you have to start somewhere aye.

Can I confess I am somewhat nervous....actually I'm very nervous. 21.1 km doesnt sound like much, but suddenly it seems as though its a never before attempted distance that noone will survive.

If I finish the race, I get a medal...that's good enough for me, but more than that, I'm one step closer to my ultimate goal of completing a full marathon (and to take that 1 step further, I'd love to complete the New York marathon).

So watch this space for a picture or two and my report on how things went. That's if I can pluck up the courage to leave the house!

I'M A SURVIVOR

2007-04-26T15:36:00.000+12:00

BOOTCAMP IS OVER.......AND I AM ALIVE TO TELL THE TALE!

It was much harder than I imagined. But it was soooo worth it. Each session was pushing me to my limit and so many times I wanted to give up & go home. But the more I stuck at it, the more I started to see changes. The first day I could hardly run up the set of stairs once let alone 6 or 7 times. By the end of it I was able to run up hills and hold my own :)

The biggest battle for me has always been the battle of the mind. I think I've made huge progress in terms of being able to push through my mind saying "no more"!

But I know that its just the beginning. So as of Monday I begin the boxing bootcamp! We'll see how that one goes.

I've found that the process of pushing through my mental blocks has been really helpful in terms of pushing through those times when I struggle with temptations, issues and giving in to the easy instead of taking that road less travelled.

So my muscles, both physical and spiritual have been having a real workout over these last weeks and so lets just see where these next 5 weeks takes me.

2 down, 8 to go

2007-03-23T12:41:00.000+12:00

So every morning since monday my alarm has gone off at 5:20am and I've 'sprung' out of bed. Monday and Friday we have the group sessions for bootcamp, the other days I'm on my own in terms of what I do. After Monday's effort I knew I didnt want to arrive at Friday without having done some exercise in between. So Tues was weights. Wed came and it was meant to be a run day. Having always had a love hate relationship with treadmills I thought I'd give it a go. I decided that I couldnt face running for an hour but I could probably manage a 10 min run followed by a 5 min walk. So plugged in the headphones and off I set. I ended up being on the thing for an hour, repeating that same pattern. Thurs came, mean to be weights, but I needed to prove to myself that wed wasnt a one time thing. Today, Fri, we repeated the group activity we did on Monday. I found myself able to run just a little faster and push myself just a little further. It was a great feeling knowing that getting up at this ridicouls hour and committing myself to the discipline of exercise was paying off. On Monday I could hardly move for the rest of the day, today I'm going biking with my mate Becks after work. Romans is going great too. I'm really enjoying sitting on the porch after the gym with my bagel and bible and absorbing romans. It's good for me, I'm not so sure I can say the same about the bagel!

BOOTCAMP

2007-03-19T10:35:00.000+12:00

So today was day one of my 5 week bootcamp...let me explain. At the gym they were promoting this 5 week bootcamp that was going to start today. It was all about running, jumping,stairs, pushups and all those other things we might associate with an army style fitness thing. I have been terribly slack over recent years with my fitness so thought this could be the thing to kickstart me off. So I signed up....aware that it meant being at the gym by 5:55am!

Well on Saturday I was reading this book "SEXGOD" by Rob Bell (don't let the title freak you out - very good book) and was really challenged about how I relate to God and to others and so I decided that I would commit myself to an all over bootcamp for 5 weeks. In other words, while I put my body through a bootcamp at the gym, I'm putting my spirit and soul through one too.

So after waking up every once in a while during the night, thinking I might sleep through my alarm, I got to the gym in time (although forgot my banana for breakfast). OH MY GOODNESS. It was hard, at one point I was just waiting for Bob and Gillian to come running around the corner with red and blue tee-shirts for us to put on (biggest loser for those of you not up with the play). We ran, we sprinted up stairs and down them, we ran some more, found more stairs and then did these insane exercises. Jin one of the 2 instructors apparently used to train soldiers in the korean army!

As I plodded my way back to the gym there came a moment when I was out of sight of those in front and those still behind me. A little voice said "just walk, noone will know, you're almost there anyway, what difference will it make?" I reminded myself that this was a bootcamp and I would know, it would make a difference because I would be cheating myself of getting the most out of this experience. So I kept plodding along all the way back to the gym.

When I got home I took some time to read through Roman's chapter 1. I thought Romans would be a good starting point for my spiritual bootcamp.

So it's 10:45am and I'm feeling good, ask me at 3pm and I'll probably just grunt. I will try and keep the blog up to date with my bootcamp. Have a great day :) I know I will.

children's day 2007

2007-03-09T18:31:00.000+13:00

What a brillant day! Hamilton turned on the weather, we set up some stuff and hundred's of families turned up at the park for a play. We had bouncy castles, a big slide, a chair-o-plane that made me feel dizzy just watching, sausages, candy floss (you had to be really in need of a sugar rush to endure the 1 hour wait in the queue...but so worth it), magnetic fishing, chocolate fish, singstar comp, balloon animals and a great area for under 5's. I must confess to being slightly nervous before the event as to whether I had remembered everything on my list.....and what would we do with all those sausages if noone showed up? I need not have worried. This community of West Hamilton is amazing. They were so supportive and it was fantastic to see whole families playing together. I enjoyed it so much I'm already excited about next year. Of course it was an awesome team of people who put it together and an equally awesome group of volunteers on the day that made the day run so smoothly.

BUSY BUSY BUSY

2007-02-28T18:51:00.000+13:00

I am still around, its crazy busy here in Kirikiriroa. Hopefully I will make some time after this sunday to update my blog.. Its childrens day this sun and we've got a big event at the local park.....much fun is planned.

l8r

police...they're watching!

2007-01-03T14:02:00.000+13:00

Ok so I know its been ages since I blogged....yet again. To briefly catch up to today. Dec - went to wellington for Commissioning, my brothers Queens award (boys brigade) and preachers boot camp with Rob Harley....all great.

Came home, had farewell sunday, finished packing....freaked out as movers came 2 days early...and left to head to chch. Had Christmas in chch and left boxing day to head to Wellington. Stopped for the night and then up at 5:30am to travel to Hamilton.

Got there, checked out the house, then stayed with Becks for a couple of nights due to unforseen circumstances.

Anyway a funny thing happened yesterday and I thought 'I really must blog that'...and unlike all the other times Ive thought that, Im actually doing it.

So the registration on my car had expired over the long weekend and the post office didnt open to today. Yesterday (when I realised it had expired) I was in a bit of a bind, you see I had some videos that needed to be dropped back but expired rego...so I thought I'd take side streets as far as I could before getting onto the main drag to get to the video shop. My theory was that I would be less likely to see cops on these side streets. BIG MISTAKE!

As I was driving down this quiet surburban street, not one, not two but three cop cars came down it one after the other all in a row. I thought "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME". You see it would be very easy to spot my expired sticker as it still said 2006 on it and as we hopefully all know its now 2007. So I turned onto the main drag only to have another cop car behind me, but they turned down the side street to follow the THREE other cop cars.

Then coming home I stopped at the lights and yes, there it was, another cop car sitting at the lights.

I dont know how many cops cars were on duty yesterday afternoon but I tell you what, I was feeling like somehow big brother had been watching me, and letting me know that!

So first thing this morning I went to the post office and registered my car and havent seen a cop car since!

there's a consipracy brewing in the sultanas!

2006-11-26T08:11:00.000+13:00

So, I had this 'great' idea for youth group the other nite. A play on the old car rally, scavenger hunt thing. It was quite simple really. Each car had clues and at each location they had to find information and text it to the cellphone number on the clue. If they were correct they would get a text back with a word that once they were all put together, would lead them to the final destination. The clues didnt always have the same cellphone number on it, so they had to actually pay attention to the clues. The first location was one of our local supermarkets...its big, its yellow, you pack your own groceries....I anticipated this would take them about 5mins...1/2 later they are all still there trying to get the right answer. All they had to do was tell me how much it would cost them to purchase 5 particular items. I bought them that morning and had a till receipt in case anyone tried to dispute it. In the end I text them the amount of each individual item and they had to add them up (which a couple of teams still struggled with). Anyway the nite was a TOTAL DISASTER in one respect. Not one team finished. Two teams thought they'd be smart and after a few clues headed to where they thought the finish was (and they were right) However, because the lights were off and they couldnt see my car (because I hid it round the corner in a side street) they didnt even bother to get out of the car!!!! The other cellphone was one bought from that big red shop that has that annoying jingle...and well it just didnt cope with the volume of texts so it wouldnt send answers back to the teams! In another way though the nite was a TOTAL BLAST they all had so much fun driving around the city and plotting their revenge against the organiser (that's me).

Now you're probably asking by now, if you're still reading, what has this got to do with Sultana's? Let me take you back to that big yellow shop and fill you in. See if you can follow me...

Thurs 8:30 am - I purchase 500g budget sultanas for $3:29 ( i have the receipt to prove it)
Thurs 7:30 pm - Teams are claiming the sultanas are $3:25 (label on the shelf)

After the race was over I had to see it for myself. Sure enough on the shelf they are advertised at $3:25...BUT when I took them to the checkout and asked them to scan they came up at $3:29. Now you might think ok 4c isnt much.....BUT if the sultana's were the only thing I was buying it becomes an issue of 10c.

At $3:25 they must round it down to $3:20 because we no longer have 5c pieces. At $3:29 they round it up to $3:30 ....see where the 10c is?

I started to wonder just how many items in the store are sporting a shelf price that differs from a checkout price? Then I began to wonder is this how they are trying to make up for the 4c petrol promotion that they are now offering? Hmmmm

The funny thing is that on thursday morning I purchased well in excess of 60 items and how funny that out of all those items, I picked one that had a problem and mucked up my race.

So you can bet that I'll be watching those sultana prices much closer in the future :)

happy birthday to me

2006-11-21T19:30:00.000+13:00

On sunday I celebrated my 32nd birthday. It was lovely :)
I'd spent 4 days of that week at a women officers retreat at Waipiata (a place in the middle of nowhere near Ranfurly). It was a fantastic time and also really challenging.
We had surprise party for me. The surprise was only that the woman organising the week didnt know we were planning it. We played charades (one of my all time favourite games) and teeth (another great game). We ended with Ice cream cake - something I've always wanted but never had. It was delicious and a great way to soothe the lips after a ferocious game of teeth!
Sunday was a great day too. Pancake breakfast as a fundraiser for Fiji, church and then the arrival of my mum from Chch. We headed out to Fillies (awesome pizza place) before heading to the ballet "Giselle". It was beautiful. A lovely traditional ballet. It was cool dressing up and heading out.
So Ive now been 32 for two days now. How's it been? Well, actually, pretty sucky! I've been sick and so havent been able to do too much really. I'm ignoring the comments of those who have suggested that its old age catching up with me....come on now, 32 aint that old....unless you're a 5 year old!
So Im hoping that the next 363 days will be much better than the last two.

I'm FINE!.....really!

2006-11-06T12:46:00.000+13:00

I was in Alexandra at the weekend and went for a drive to St Bathan's on saturday to take a few photos. On my way back I found this little guy lying on the side of the road. His arms were visible from ages away down the road. I got his better side (the other side showed what Possums are really made of...if you know what I mean).
He looked so cute lying there, rather relaxed, apart from the fact that he was dead.
He reminded me of how sometimes when life is actually pretty hard, we tell ourselves we are fine. People ask us and our response....IM FINE! even when it's painfully obvious that the only person we are kidding is ourselves. I've been listening to a song in recent days called "he knows my name" some of the words are ...."He knows my name, he knows my every thought, he sees each tear that falls and hears me when I call."
Its a great reminder that in the midst of life at its worst, Jesus knows, When stuff happens that causes us pain, Jesus knows, when we can't seem to pick ourselves up off the ground, Jesus knows.

finishing the race

2006-10-29T08:36:00.000+13:00

The Olympic Games in Mexico City, 1968, were filled with the ususal incredible performances. Swimmer Mark Spitz captured 7 gold medals, and world records fell like autumn leaves on a winde October day. But as is often the case, one human drama exemplified the true meaning of sport, often lost in today's feeding frenzy for endorsements and movie contracts.
Out of the cold darkness he came. John Stephen Akwari of Tanzania entered at the far end of the stadium, pain hobbling every step, his leg bloody and bandaged. The winner of the Olympic marathon had been declared over an hour earlier. Only a few spectators remained, but the lone runner pressed on. As he crossed the finish line, the small crowd roared out its appreciation, "Yea" Afterward, a reporter asked the runner why he had not retired from the race, since he had no chance of winning. He seemed confused by the question. Finally he answered, "my country did not send me to Mexico City to start the race. They sent me to finish."

I love that story, it encourages and challenges me. Anyone can start a race, but it takes determination to finish. I want to finish the race.....

(taken from "Building a church of small groups" by Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson)

wonder woman

2006-10-23T11:55:00.000+13:00

Wonder Woman......

I've been taking a little trip down memory lane this morning as I tried to keep my focus on my exam prep. I'm one of these people who struggle to study in silence, being much more productive while studying with a dvd on or tv programme or something in the background.

So this mornings choice was Season 1 of Wonder Woman. I don't remember seeing the pilot episode when I was a kid so it was great to watch it and understand where she came from and how she came to be 'wonder woman'.

It's funny to see the almost comical acting and the funny sound effects etc. Even though it has that little element of cringe about it, I still love it. With her belt that keeps her strong, her bulletproof bracelets and her truth telling whip who can doubt her ability to fight crime and seek to right the wrongs.

It reminded me of yesterday's message at church and a book I'd been reading recently.

Scripture talks of the need to clothe ourselves with spiritual clothing, the sword of the spirit, the shoes of the gospel, the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness. And yesterday at church we were reminded about the need to clothe ourselves in love. Without these things we become weak, ineffective and hollow. Just like wonder woman loses her ability to be effective as a superhero if she takes off her belt and bracelets, we become ineffective as Jesus followers if we take off these clothes.

A great reminder for me as the pressures of life feel quite high right now. I need to clothe myself daily.

So its back to writing my essays, watching wonder woman reruns and wearing clothing that is fit for a king.

nga mea katoa - everything

2006-10-20T08:03:00.000+13:00

My mind has felt like mush over this last week. But through the mush God is there. This morning I decided to come into work early and crank up the sounds while no one else was around. I've got this fantastic cd entitled "nga mea katoa" from Invasion music. There are some great songs in Maori and one in particular is really making my heart go..."yeah, that's what I want, that's where Im at"

Whakanuitia te Ariki
Ahakoa te aha
Ko Koe tonu ra e Ihu
Te timata Oku whakapono
Whakamoemiti kia whai
kororia
To ingoa

Tuku a nga mea katoa
ka koropiko ki a koe
toku kingi nui
whakamoemiti
nou toku whatu manawa
ka whai kororia kia koe
i nga wa katoa

whakanuitia te Ariki
Whakahonoretia Tou Ingoa
Kuhu mai e te Wairua Tapu
Whakamahi ahau e te Ariki
Whaka Kororia
Tou Ingoa Tapu

which basically translates "I will bless the Lord at all times, no matter what may come my way, always looking unto Jesus, the author of my faith,as my heart is filled with praises, I will glorify your name. Lord I give you everything, and worship you, my one and only king, you are worthy of all praises, lord I give you my heart and soul, in everything I do in you I know, you will be glorified. I will bless the Lord at all times, and give honour to your name, all I have I will surrender, Holy Spirit have your way, Take this vessel Lord and use me, to bring glory to Your name."

That is my hearts cry...that in everything I would bring glory to his name....that I can be a vessel used by God.

goodbye, hello

2006-10-19T10:01:00.000+13:00

Well what a week since my last post. As I write this blog I am awaiting the email copy of 'farewell orders' (the list of changes of appointment for officers within NZ, Fiji and Tonga) My name will be on that list and having not received the usual phone call the night before confirming the change, I have a more than usual vested interest in seeing the document. This last week has been a shocker...having been aware of a possible move for at least 6 weeks only to be told on Wed that it has changed...see previous post for card that arrived the morning I got told!

Anyway then off to Wellington the next day for the "New Zeal" conference. What an AWESOME weekend. God was incredibly gracious and really met my need to hear from him.

So...its now past 10 am and I can tell you that I am now appointed as the corps officer of the Grandview corps in Hamilton.

Its been a really rough ride over this last week, but God made his presence felt in my life!

I have to go...I have 2 exams to study for and not a lot of time to do so, I will procrastinate no longer

timing is everything

2006-10-11T16:48:00.000+13:00

I arrived at work today to discover a card, sent to me by a lady whose friendship I have really appreciated over the last few years. Her encouragement and kindness, her smiles and hugs. As I read the card this morning I appreciated the thoughts contained within and I wanted to share them

they are taken from a book written by Fraces J Roberts

"I am the Lord thy God
I know no limitations
I know no lack
I need not reserve my stores, for I always have a fresh supply
Thou canst by no means ever exhaust my resources.
Let thy heart run wild
Let thine imagination go vagabond.
No extravagance of human thought can ever plumb the depths of my
planning and provision for my children.

Rejoice, therefore and face each day with joy, for I have planned
ahead for thee, and made all the necessary arrangements and reservations.
I am thy guide and benefactor
PUT YOUR HAND IN MINE"

It wasnt until this afternoon that I fully understood the timing of her gesture. This afternoon I have found myself going back into my bag and pulling out the card and re-reading these words again and again. God knew that I would need these words today, so 2 days ago he prompted my friend to send me this.

I'm reminded again how a simple prompting from the Lord can be so powerful for those who receive.

No doubt I'll look at this card a few more times before the day is out.

I'm still alive....

2006-10-09T16:11:00.000+13:00

Its been ages I know and as an excuse I can only claim the busyness of the end of semester at university. We've had classes and assessments crammed up as two of my lecturers had to go overseas. I'm trudging my way through my final essay for the year, a 3000 word essay about the influence of Hone Tuhawaiki on the treaty of waitangi. Its due tomorrow and my word count is currently sitting on about 400 words so I really have to pull finger.

Its hard to believe we are almost through October...only a few more weeks of being 31! Im really looking forward to the weekend ahead. The Salvation Army is holding a conference in Wellington called "New Zeal". The guests include Commissioner Linda Bond, Pete Greig (author of red moon rising) and others. Ive been on the planning team so its been a long but exciting journey getting to this point. I'm really looking forward the weekend and hearing what God has to say to us as a movement and me as his child.

Anyway I must sign off and get back to that essay...I really must finish it!

its a boy!

2006-09-12T18:16:00.000+12:00

My family just got bigger. My friends Jennie & Andrew just welcomed Mitchell into the family today. He's a few weeks early, but no ones complaining. It gives Andrew more time with him before heading to police college for training. Im so blessed in that I am heading to Wellington in a months time for the weekend so I'll get to see him while he's still a little baby. While I dont have the pleasure of being a biological aunty to my brothers kids (as neither of them have any) I have the awesome gift of children through my friends children. They give me so much pleasure and I love hearing them call me aunty shar. So Mitchell is very welcome into my life and I have been preparing for his arrival since he was first known about. I have a great collection of nappies that need to somehow make their way north. Well I have no pics at this stage but as soon as I do he'll be in a frame and on my wall.

the technological age

2006-09-11T16:37:00.000+12:00

So ive been thinking, since last week actually, so I decided it was time to think out loud (although I guess unless you are actually reading this out loud, then its not really out loud now is it....)

Last week we had a bit of a problem with telecom (our telecommunications company) because some workmen accidently dug into a fibre optic cable with their digger (accidential unless they were secretly employed by Telecoms opposition). Anyway it meant that our email was out, our cellphones werent working, no eftpos and no money machines were working.

It also happened to be on the day that I was waiting for an urgent email about flights we were trying to book for members of our youth group to get to Fiji. It struck me how weird it was that so much of my work day was interrrupted by this incident. As my work mates and I were reflecting it was hard to remember life before cellohones and internet. Even stranger was the fact that when I worked it out, it was only the year 1998 that I had my first cellphone and i didnt really get introduced to the internet and email until 2000. Thats only 6 years...what about the 20 something years before that? Has my life changed that much in such a short space of time that I now feel a little lost without that technology being available and at my disposal when and where I want it?

As I endeavour to try and simplify my life and declutter it, I find myself having to consistantly assess my desire for technology. Sure that phone has lots of cool gadgets and can do all sorts of cool things, but do i need it when I have a perfectly good phone already for making calls and sending texts. Sure it would be awesome to be able to buy the latest gadget or piece of technology but can my resourses be better used in other places, to benefit other people instead of satisfying my desire (for the moment anyway).

Im not saying that technology is all bad, I mean, i wouldnt be able to blog without it..but I wonder at how reliant I have become on it...and whether in the rush to introduce more and more technology into my life, other, simpler things are being pushed aside.

oh to be australian right now

2006-09-08T17:45:00.000+12:00

No sooner had I published my previous post then I hear the news that a second well known australian has been killed. Peter Brock - racing car driver has been killed in a race. Australia will be experiencing a strange kind of grief this week.

a crazy week

2006-09-08T17:16:00.000+12:00

There has been so much happen this week, personally, professionally and in the world around me. I've had a couple of conversations with friends this week that have really challenged me and caused me to pause and reflect. I've had dealings with people through work that have frustrated me, encouraged me, and pointed me back towards the God that i seek to know better. Then this week there have been those events that have shocked - the death of Steve Irwin, crocodile hunter - its been interesting how that event has polarised peoples opinions of him. Regardless of what people think of him, its still a tragic loss and the circumstances around his death make it even more tragic. Closer to home the death of two men in the Hawkes bay. The first guy was struck by truck of the second and as he got out of his truck to try and free the man trapped under his vehicle, he too was hit and killed. Both men's lives so tragically taken, in circumstances that seem so crazy. As Ive been thinking about it all today though, I cant help but think of those who die alone, with no one aware they have even gone. I heard a story of a local man who was dead 6 weeks before anyone came looking for him. How unbelieveable, and yet how real is this. The release of research about the hundreds of Men across our nation who live alone is food for thought. One can feel overwhelmed at times by all that seems to be going on. How do we begin to make a difference, to see transformation take place in any area? I come back again to the title of my blog "one matters for eternity". Sometimes the thousands, the hundreds, even the dozens can seem too much....but how about the ones. The neighbour across the driveway who is desperately lonely and goes to bed every night hoping that someone might notice if they didnt wake up in the morning. The child attending the school down the road who wishes that there was someone who would make the time to watch them play sport on saturday mornings. The student who feels the expectation of family (and sometimes country) to make something of themselves and begins to measure their worth and value as a person by the grades they achieve.

I can't comprehend the thousands, but I can commit to the ones.....because one matters.

its a matter of perspective

2006-09-04T21:51:00.000+12:00

Well its been a great couple of weeks. it started with the sole officer symposium in Upper Hutt. a gathering of people from NZ and Australia who are for whatever reason, serving God as officers on their own. The company was fab, the teaching inspiring the highlight having said all of that, had to be singstar and the dance mat....so funny. Such a pleasure hanging with the girls. I then headed to New Plymouth for a weeks holiday. I had been looking forward to it for months and had been watching the weather reports. They were looking very promising. Well it turned out that Dunedin and New Plymouth did an exchange and while Dunedin suddenly had beautiful weather, NP wasnt quite so flash. There is a mountain in the Taranaki, although many visitors would be unsure if it was just a rumour because it often cant be seen. I got a great view of the mountain.....the day I was leaving, on the bus, on my way out of town. I came straight home and headed to camp for the weekend. Another great time. Ive had some things running around in my head over this last week. At times Ive had my questions about if Im hearing from God properly and moments when ive wondered what God is trying to show me...even at times Ive uttered the words 'where is God in the midst of this'. I was reminded today about perspective. Even though sometimes you cant see Mt Taranaki, and a visitor might even wonder if it actually exist, it doesnt change the fact that it is there. on the ground under the clouds you ask 'where is the mountain' but get in a plane and fly above the clouds and you see the mountain in all its glory. Sometimes the clouds of life settle and I look from where I am and struggle to see God, or see the purpose in something, just because clouds are covering my view, doesnt mean that God is not there. Its just a matter of perspective. So Im heading into a new week trying to look for a different persepective. Trying to place my hope in God alone and that he is my strength and my salvation.

Sunday has arrived!

2006-08-20T08:46:00.000+12:00

Tena koe. I haere au ki te whare wananga o Otago ki te ako i te reo Maori, a, ka haere au ki toku kainga inaianei. Ka tino pai te noho, kai atu, tangata atu, ako atu. Ka korero au i te reo maori, engari, kaore oku 'flatmates' e mohio toku korero!

I made it through the language weekend. It was so good, the food, the people, the learning. I had a really good time. There were some bits that were really hard for me, but I was able to cope with it, even if I didnt always understand what was going on.

It was funny though, as I lay in bed last night trying to sleep, there were thoughts running around and around in my head...and they were all in Maori! How cool is that. Just goes to show that what we immerse ourselves in gets inside us aye. Food for thought for me in terms of my hikoi (walk) with Jesus. How much do I immerse myself in him? Is he running through my head at night time or is it the latest episode of Prison Break? Am I immersing myself in scripture and does it flow out of me. Am I fluent in scripture or do I struggle to understand?

Some say practice makes perfect, but a wise man told me the truth...practice makes permanent...so I want to make sure I'm practising the right things, so they get cemented in my life. I want the things of Christ to run around in my head and in my heart and that they would be what people hear and see when they meet me.

A final greeting from Ephesians 1:2

"Kia tau ki a koutou te aroha noa me te rangimarie, he mea na te Atua, na to tatou Matua, na te Ariki hoki, na Ihu Karaiti."

freaky friday

2006-08-18T16:34:00.000+12:00

So today is one of those Fridays I both loathe and look forward to. I'm heading to uni tonight for a 'wananga' (we stay overnight and do lectures and other stuff). Its for my language paper. I really love the context of them, and the fun and laughter of these weekends, however since its the language one there is NO english allowed! My Māori is not at the level of being able to converse freely with others and so my levels of anxiety are always higher than normal. It will be great for me though, cos the immersion environment is the best way to learn languages and unfortunately there is no country in the world where you can be emmersed in Māori in everyday situations. So the countdown is on until I head in, 2 hours and counting down. My previous experiences with the language wananga have given me a new appreciation of people who move to a country where they dont know any of the language and throw themselves right in at the deep end.
Im all for New Zealand being a bilingual country....it can be done. Seychelles has 3 national languages and people grow up learning and speaking all three. I wish more New Zealanders understood the importance of language to the survival of any culture.
So tonight I continue my learning.....I'll let you know how I go.

Ka kite ano

the art of forgiveness

2006-08-05T09:32:00.000+12:00

so its Saturday morning, Im procrastinating...i have an essay to write on the treaty of waitangi, so instead I'm in bed, electric blanket on and laptop perched somewhat unstabily on my knees. I've been reflecting on last night. I had the privilege of speaking at recovery church on the topic of forgiving others. The opening question to us all last night was'what is the hardest thing about forgiveness' My response was 'trying to explain or define it'. Its not a one size fits all, some situations forgiveness is easy to understand or apply, then along comes something else that forgiveness just doesnt seem so simple anymore.

I used a clip from 'red dust' a film that is based around the truth and reconciliation commission that went through south africa, where those who had committed crimes could apply for amnesty if they gave full disclosure of the crimes they committed. At the end there is a series of scenes where the concept of forgiveness is addressed. One man both grants and receives forgiveness and it is a thought provoking watch. I loved one of the final lines of the movie where the character Alex (who was the 'victim' in the trial) says to his lawyer (who as a 16 yr old was imprisoned for dating a black man, and the conseqences were a severing of her relationship with her mum) "we have the right to say that it hurt".

Often people struggle with forgiveness because how to they reconcile the pain they are experiencing. does forgiving make our pain null and void? I dont think so, but its about being able to move through that pain to a place where we are not held captive by it.

I encourage you to watch red dust sometime. It is food for thought on forgiveness and closure.

And now I will encourage myself to get out of bed, and get on with my essay.